Hello. I’ve turned to this site in the hope of getting help by chatting with people who may understand what I’m going through. I’m a 60yo disabled man due to spinal damage resulting from a broken neck 43 years ago. It left me as a partial quadriplegic, I can walk but with a limp, my hands are effected but I’ve been able to cope. Recently I was accepted by the NDIS thinking they will be able to help me with my health issues and living issues I’m having. They haven’t, it’s made my life even more stressful. I’ve also been diagnosed with PTSD and depression and have panic attacks. I’m also having health issues with chronic back pain and losing the use of my left leg which means I’ll be in a wheel chair soon. I’m also losing what little use of have of my hands. This means I’m going to need constant care. I’ve lived an active life even though I was told after my accident that ‘I’d never walk again’, All I heard after my accident is ‘you can’t do that anymore’. I proved everyone wrong, I’ve lived a normal live and done things against Dr’s opinions and believe, things like riding motorcycles, racing go karts etc.
A few years ago I noticed it was getting more difficult to do things, pain levels increased and my emotions changed. I went from being active and never sitting for long to now not leaving the house unless I’ve no choice. I get panic attacks when I have to go out, I’m in constant pain and rely on strong pain medications for relief. I have waves of emotions that I can’t stop, I constantly feel like I don’t want to be here anymore, I’m angry all the time, I get annoyed very easily, I find myself crying for no reason.
The Drs just keep giving me more anti depression meds that don’t work, more pain medications that are morphine based and highly addictive to control the anxiety and panic attacks.
While I have not thought directly about committing suicide I constantly feel that I’d be better off if I was not here anymore, I go to bed hoping I won’t wake up, I have a close family and good friends who have all been wonderful and cant help enough they are all concerned but I feel I don’t deserve their care or help, I feel worthless and useless. I don’t want to be here anymore!
