Struggling, thoughts sending me in a shame spiral

[crazy32]

Hi All,

First time ever posting on an internet forum. Hard even to continue typing....

I had a mental breakdown about 6 years back now. It drove my relationship with my now wife to breaking point. I was put on medication by my Doctor and was told to seek Counciling. I never did and ended taking myself off the medication after a month or so as i felt i didnt need it and it effecting me.

Since then everything has been peachy, married my wife and life has been great.........until now. I feel myself relapsing. Ive booked into a GP today and hopefully can get referred to someone asap

i hate this feeling of nothingness. No emotions (except complete sadness), no feelings towards my wife and i hate it. A week ago we were all lovey dovey and going out the movies and having lunch at cafes, and just like the flick of a switch its all gone for me. i feel like im on auto pilot!

I just want to be back to normal. My bubbly self, my feelings for my wife. I have told her i feel and she is trying to support me as best she can, i just feel so bad and upset that im putting her through this all over again

[Guest_1584]

Hi C.

These are just thoughts of my sitch back when, l'm not sure it's the same so it might not help.

l went through very similar in the last few years of my marriage, there was things with my ex that were getting on my nerves a lot and things about our life also. l went cold and and into a 24 7 of feeling nothing and numb and cold.

Although l was feeling anger inside about things , l realized later, 3yrs, we'd split by then, that l was also subconsciously blocking her out , closing the door,more and more, can' explain it. yeah l was feeling things but the more l did that the colder l got and the worse it got between us until in the end it got too much for her and we split.

But you know what , too late but l realized if only l'd held her , cuddled her , let affection and convo back in , talked , it would've opened that door up again that for some was getting more and more closed. it would've let her back in and grown from there and l think we would've been alright.

Try that with her , let her back in and be close and warm with her again and spend time with her , and talk and be together, see if it turns around and opens that door again, you might just be stupidly letting it all get on top of you and self sabotaging over nothing like l was .

Not sayin that;s it , l wouldn't know ,, but it does sound very similar to how l let myself become.

Good luck anyway.

[crazy32]

Hi All,

Thank you once again for your suggestions, i certainly will take it all on board. Trying my utmost not to push her away like i did last time.

I have had a much better day today. I ended up going to my volunteer job today as someone pulled out last minute, so i used that as motivation to get me out of bed. Im certainly glad i did. I was occupied for quite awhile and it kept me from being consumed by my thoughts. I even sent my partner a message as she was sleeping from Nightshift, and she will appreciated that i took the time to message her (she was teary telling me), so im taking that as a positive.

I then had my sport which i enjoyed very much and felt extremely happy for the first time in days.

I still dont have my appetite back, but i start my antidepressants tomorrow so hopefully that will help restore some normality

Once again thank you, i really do appreciate you taking the time to reply

One day at a time.....

[Doolhof]

Hi crazy32,

That is excellent news! Keeping busy, occupied, being creative, active, and finding enjoyable things to do all help immensely.

I'm not sure if you have had the opportunity to branch out on the forums at all and look around at other threads. If you feel so inclined, you might like to have a look at white knight's thread called "Men Isolated" it is in the Staying Well section. It is an excellent thread providing great opinions from all sides.

All the best with the new medication. It may take a little while to kick in, so give it time. Some people experience a bit of nausea when first taking the tablets, some people find relief in ginger or peppermint to help with this.

I find the ginger tablets you can buy from the chemist for sea sickness help me when I am feeling nauseous. As does sucking peppermint lollies or drinking peppermint tea. I take bucket loads of all these combinations when I have to travel anywhere by sea or even on a couple of hours river cruise! Ha. Ha.

Would you like to share your volunteer role with us or is that too personal for you? You only answer what you feel comfortable doing.

Recently I gave up my role in the Country Fire Service and now realise it was depression that made me do that! I enjoy helping in an Op Shop once a week and tried helping with Riding for the Disabled even though I knew nothing about horses. Unfortunately my back didn't like that role at all!

Hope all goes well with the new tablets and your understanding of your current journey with depression. If yo are open to learn, you are open to finding ways to deal with it and to be able to move on.

Cheers from Dools