Starting over at 51

[Jafar the Barmecide]

Ok, this is take 2 of my first post, I was wisely advised to edit it as I probably gave too much detail and risked doxxing myself and went into triggering territory so here is the revised post-

Sometime ago (redacted to summarise) I had legal issues, and as a result I lost my job, my car, my license, the respect of my family, friends and colleagues, my dignity, my house and eventually, my freedom. I was in a dark place, that is allI can probably say

The journey from there to where I am now is why I am here. I have been through a hell of a lot more than 2500 characters can describe and there is still a long way to go. I am now homeless and unemployed with a conviction that is proving to be a barrier to progress. I have to start over, I have to find a reason to live, some spark that gets me up in the morning. If I can get myself through this, I will be well placed to help others who find themselves starting over, whether they have just been released from prison or newly sober and commited to remaining that way or need help navigating the courts and justice department, I now have experience to share in all these areas and if that can make a difference in even one person's life, then I have found my spark, my reason to live.

My goal is to get to a place where I am comfortable enough to turn around and reach out to people on the same path, learning how to use the systems and services put in place to help people in the most effective way possible by using those services. Beyond Blue is one of those services. I'm here to learn and share and try to stay focussed in the face of the daunting task of starting over at 51.

[mmMekitty]

Hi Jafar, 😸

I chuckle, because I get irritated & frustrated when things don't do what I want, even when it's my own doing, too, & how I just about have a toddler-type tantrum when these so-called smart things show me how much they are not.

That's a large chunk of writing you've achieved. Are you trying to edit along the way? I pretty much have to in order to go on. There will still be more editing, of-course, because upon subsequent re-readings we'll find more to tidy up. I've made slight revisions years after I've thought a piece was finished.

You sure had an unpleasant bout of COVID, but I'm glad to hear you are feeling well again. I'm sure you'll get back into your daily walks, study & other things. Watch the fatigue, & take it slowly, I'd suggest. It seems full recovery takes a little while longer for some people.

I think indulging in the Netflix is fine for a while, so long as it does not become your whole life. Perhaps if you schedule in some time each day for some study, some writing, & a short or gentle walk outdoors, could help? Give yourself some time to fully recover. Being ill like that, with having a compromised immune system, wrecks you around a bit.

I was pleased to hear your sister had brought some food for you. Is she someone you have a good relationship with?

Your 10yr old sounds amazing. I hope he has regular social opportunities to maintain his fluency. There is always the future possibility of working as a translator.

Warmly, 💖

mmMekitty

[Jafar the Barmecide]

My ten year old is an amazing kid, he doesn't think it is anything special to speak another language because he was brought up with regular contact with his grandparents. His mother was French, we lost her shortly after he was born so nearly ten years ago now, I have talked about that trauma before I recall (without going back to look for the post, I think I remember) He was teased and bullied for knowing how to speak French which is insane, i know but he was told French was gay etc so his Grand-pere offered to pay his school fees if he went to a French school and he's been there for the last three years, it is very small, only 35 students and only 4 his age but I believe that he won't lose the language now even if he decides to attend a normal high school, we will be looking for a scholarship and hopefully an exchange program, a language can open these doors. 

He is obsessed with the Army and has always wanted to follow his brothers into the service, and I don't see that changing any time soon, he has 2 older brothers in the regular Army and one in the reserves and he worships them and collects any little accoutrements they throw his way from belt buckles to boots and badges. 

[mmMekitty]

😺Good morning, Jafar

Your son certainly does not lack male role models in his life! To be sure you understand me, I do include yourself, as his father, who has made his mistakes, struggled & are still working towards doing better, making a better life,even at 51, showing him what it means to take responsibilites seriously, that people can change & find a new direction & not be totally destroyed by their past. You have a lot to offer your son, as do his brothers. I hope they realise the important role they have in his life, too.

I have been thinking of a man who died recently, a man who, through no fault of his or his family, was stolen from their care & who spent many years suffering, then years rebuilding himself, with the help fo community I'm sure, finding his voice & becoming well-respected & well-regarded by many people across Australia, & overseas, & still, his message will be heard by future generations of people for years to come. What a gift to the world, this man was. To think he might not have survived as well as hie did but for his own inner strength & the care & support of people around him. 

Warmly,

💖💖💖

mmMekitty