Sick of bipolar

[Bipolaroverit]

Hi im lynda. Ive been living with bipolar for 14yrs and im still struggling!!! Im sick of it affecting my relationship with my partner and im sick of medication and not being in control of my moods. Im very down right now scored very high on the depression test as usual but im to embarrassed to talk to anyone.

[quirkywords]

Bipolaroverit,

Hello and welcome to this caring forum. This is an understanding , nonjudgmental and friendly place.

I have lived with bipolar for 44 years and I agree some days it is a struggle.

At the moment your feeling down so will be feeling negative about many things.

There is a thread called This bipolar life where we chat to each other and support each other. You are welcome to have a look and see what you think.

It is difficult sometimes talking to other people but this is a safe place.

Quirky

[Doolhof]

Hi Bipolaroverit,

I too welcome you to the community and the forum. Are there things that have helped you in the past to improve how you are feeling? Can you put some of those strategies into place now?

Do you have some support people whom you can contact and talk to about how you are feeling? I know you mentioned you are too embarrassed to do this, but it may be just what you need.

A couple of weekends ago a friend called me as he was feeling really mentally awful and in a bad place. He ended up coming to our place with his partner for the evening. He later said getting out of their home, doing something different and having someone listen to him made all the difference.

Medication may be what is required to help us feel better. Like a diabetic requiring insulin, sometimes we just need it!

Hope you are able to find some ways to improve how you are feeling.

Cheers fro now from Dools

[Airies]

Hi Bipolaroverit,

welcome to the gang. Join us on the thread. I was diagnosed in 2015 and continue to struggle. I know without the meds id be up a creek without a paddle.Nothing to be mbarrassed about. We get it here. I know my wife and children struggle with my moods and at times I am at a complete loss.

Your GP should be a great help. Quirky and Dools are far more articulate then me and have some great tips.Hope tomorrow is a better day

cheers

[Josh_K_B]

Hi Lynda,

My name is Josh and I was diagnosed Bipolar (II) mid-2017 after 5 years of seeing my GP specialist.

I'm so sorry to hear that you are currently struggling with the condition.

I understand it can be very frustrating trying to control what is essentially an emotional rollercoaster.

I also completely relate to being sick of your symptoms manifesting and having to lean on your partner and medication(s) in trying to restore some basic emotional control and order.

Feeling embarrassed in talking to anyone about your mental health is a completely natural response. Particularly when you are in the depths of a depressive episode.

I get that A LOT, and liken it to the feeling of having contagious negative thoughts that I don't want to INFECT my closest friends and family with.

You say you have been struggling with your bipolar for the last 14 years. I can't begin to imagine the lows and highs you have been through.

It sounds like this current depressive episode you are experiencing is one of the tougher ones that you've had to face in the past 14 years.

I am so proud that, even in the midst of your depression, you have taken a huge step in posting here on this forum. I am so honoured that my first post on these fantastic forums is to talk and relate to you about your Bipolar..

I'm sorry that I can't offer any quick fix or revelational advice. But I want you to know that there are people out there, from all different shades of life, that share your pain and want to reach out just like you courageously have.

I hope you're doing better since you posted the other day..

If you still feel like you need somewhere to reach out, even if it's just to vent and for someone to listen, keep posting! Myself and everyone on here are just a keyboard and a click away.

Josh :-) xx

[Bipolaroverit]

Thanks josh. I know im not alone but it still doesnt make it easy to admit that its happening again to my family and my partner finds it very hard to understand. I love yr description of feeling like u have an infectious disease. Its much easier for people to help me with my ms symptoms as u can see them. But having something broken on the inside is much harder. Thankfully i will b talking to my psychologist tomoro. He helps me sourt the mess in my head. Im so thankful for him. Right now i can barely function. 😔😔

[Bipolaroverit]

Thanks i will read that thread.

[Bipolaroverit]

Thanks dools. Ihave been using guided meditation at night and there are other things that have helped in the past but right now i just dont want to leave my room or talk to anyone or do anything. Its crap. I cant believe its happening again im so sick of having to control this monster in my head and hart.i know i need to have a meds review. I've been on medication for 10yrs+

[Josh_K_B]

Thank YOU Lynda, for starting the discussion!

I can understand the difficulty in trying to get your partner to understand what you are going through mentally.

They could know you through and through, but sometimes it can be nigh impossible to convey your inner monologue without your partner needing to translate, at least some of it, for themselves.

For my wife and I, I don't expect her to fully understand, more so I just want her to sometimes lie down with me in my dark room and continue to remind me that everything will be okay and that these feelings don't last forever..

Well done in organising to see your psychologist tomorrow! It sounds like you are doing all the right things, as much as you can.

Having a mental health professional that you trust and can confide in is invaluable!

I love mine just because I can use him as a sounding board, where I can throw my concerns and worries at him, and he is able to break down what is a real concern and what is a manifestation of my mental health.

You mention that you also have MS, I can't begin to understand how much that would also play on your feelings of depression and anxiety..

I am so impressed that you say you are barely functioning at the moment, yet here you are seeking help and understanding of your mental health. I need you to know that you are inspiring Lynda!

I hope your session with your psychologist helps break down and smooth out a lot of the concerns you are experiencing at the moment. I would love to hear how you are feeling after the session tomorrow!

Take care Lynda.

Josh :-)

[Bipolaroverit]

Josh u are so lucky to have someone who will lay next to u in comfort and just tell u simply that everything will b ok. I fear very realistically that i may lose my parter of 2 1/2 yrs over this. 😞 he is fed up with me misinterpreting things and percieving insults and threats where there is none. I come from two abisive marriages and therefore am conditioned to look for the negative . Hes blunt but never means to be insulting or hurt me and i can feel him slipping away. I feel like i am bad for anyone and am destine to b alone. It will break me if he leaves.