Owed to Solitude

[amd1953]

I owe a lot to my current situation in life.   In fact, it's probably as close to heaven on earth that I will ever get.   I've served my apprenticeship in the School of Hard Knocks.   It was actually a life sentence with no time off for good behaviour.   I think it was Mr. W. Shakespeare who said "All the world's a stage".   And that is precisely what we are - actors on a stage.   Some of us play our parts really well and fool the audience into actually believing what we say we are.   Then there are those who find it impossible to be anything other than what they are.   Not good actors at all.   That's where I make my entrance.   But I don't play to the audience any more because it is a complete and utter waste of time and effort.   Now that I have settled into retirement, I can stop the acting and the pretence and be whatever I choose to be.   It's a great pity that we have to spend the greater part of our lives playing to an audience.   Some people get away with turning their backs on the bright lights and sink into blissful anonymity.   This is what I am trying to do now so that I can gather a little happiness around me before I drop off the perch.   When I think back, I seem to have spent so much time trying to keep everyone else happy and giving in to do things when I don't want to.   I never had the nerve to say no so I guess I was a real pushover.   I think it's time to turn the page on the script and write my own dialogue for a change.   Or is that asking too much?   I'm not really sure myself.   Maybe I am expecting too much.   Shame on me eh?   But there will come a time when I run out of choices and that will be the end of it.   The curtain comes down on another production.   I only hope it doesn't come too soon.   If we do what we want to when we want to do it, we are called selfish.   I have nothing left to give.   It's all gone.   The audience have gone home and the stage is a dusty platform waiting for the next deception.   Sorry, production.

[Emotions26]

Hello Mmme

Easiest way for me to reply is to reply to each post. As you wrote yourself, there is no obligation to reply to each of mine either. This subject could go around in circles. So I am just going to reply with the following. I am not fretting. Now there is a word that I have not heard in a while. I usually think of that in relation to an animal fretting. I suppose I am a human animal on two legs. Yes I will make the announcement now that I am in fact human. I might profess to feeling like living on another planet for the majority of the time; I am still human though.   I also do not feel obliged or pressured.  I reply because I want to. I also feel that if somebody has taken the time to write to me personally that is a compliment (if it is a pleasant message of course). 

I feel that you know all of this and were trying to reassure me (perhaps!) in your way that not to let it affect me if I do not reply. I understand all of this as I sometimes write about how I am feeling.

Phew.  As far as your replying Mmme please it is a good thing that you reply when and if you can. You are not expected to remember everything that is written. I have to go back and read over hence reply individually. Again not have to want to. That might change over time. At any given time it is best that we write from where we are in the current moment anyway.  So this is now sounding double dutch. If confused. Ignore all.

Meant with best intentions. will reply to next piece.

Ems

[Emotions26]

Buon pomeriggio to A Midsummer Dream 1593

Now that would be one performance I would love to attend. Travel back to 1593. Travel forward to the following year. Very clever amd, written between 1594 and 1596 possibly. I love these little clues to travel off and explore. This is so me. I am off on a journey now in the 16th century. I am off to a performance  at

Theatre of Dionysos in Athens: Region of Attica,  Bede returns. What an experience. Do you believe me now when I describe how your writing can reach people? If they pay attention. If they have an open mind. If they are adventurous. If.   More about that another time.

I looked into the film in 1949 about Mr Polly. I had not heard about that. Quite profound at that time. Then HG Wells does stand out as a writer. Way ahead of his years.

Leaking roofs are the bane of home owners at times. As if you have nothing better to do with your time than up and down ladders testing for leaks!  Hope that ladder is strong and in good condition. Placed on stable not sodden ground.  Lifeboat on hand. Sounds sensible given what is happening in other states in the North of Australia. No ship with sails moored close to your moat ready for the drawbridge to be lowered?

In regard to moving your bed around your home or any of your furniture, No I do not think that is odd let alone eccentric. Actually  makes sense to me. I used to do the same. Hmm a feeling to time for a change that would be a better place for that over there. See more allow for more access and so many other reasons.  Why not!  I read somewhere a person had written my first name is Why and my last name is Not. I cracked up at that. Did you write it?   These days I wisely do not move furniture as do not want to have to deal with the outcome of protests from my body.  Great news that you are out in your garden continuing the challenge of tending to what needs to be done.  Creating spaces for more ideas to spring into your mind from the presence and smells of nature surrounding you.  You have been reunited with birdsong outside.   You must allow yourself to daydream. That idea is splendid.  A woodland which will take time to grow of course.  No matter. Watching the growth stages and a new area of your land take shape is so rewarding.  As is a small corner with even just one pot where something that is tended to and cared for grows into the wonder of nature.

Well I hope that my underlying current here is well accepted.  I am experiencing many emotions at the moment. Life is misbehaving terribly again. Then that is life.  I also am not good at this time of year.  Then many on the forums would probably feel the same.  So I have attempted to step out of and away from the heavier emotions and evoke some joy and imagination. A place I visited on my own and still do since growing up. I am a familiar visitor there.  Or should I say that is where I reside and visit elsewhere at times.  Too deep?  Think of it as my story telling.

I received the Christmas bluebird express post. It flew here deciding not to wait for the postal service.

Ciao per ora amico di penna

I have sent you a Robin. It took flight early this morning.

Earnest Moments Sparkle

two shillings and six pence

[Emotions26]

Hello Mmmme    Amd welcome to read along if interested.  It is a bit all over the place.

This reply is to the writing group ideas that your wrote on Tuesday.   They did follow that platform as in we were each handed a sheet labelled Critique and some other paperwork.   A fair bit of time with introductions and a very different assortment of personalities etc.     In an extremely noisy library.     School holidays.     A storyteller had set up stage shouting into a microphone directed at a small group of very young toddlers, read a story from a book.    Why on earth the need to shout into a microphone in particular to an age group who have healthy hearing (they were not hearing impaired) also sensitive to tone and volume of voice.      We were on the other side of the building.       Several people read their pieces.       Heard and understood little due to booming toddler storyteller.      One member read four pages so quickly I have no idea what that was about!      What seemed like hours later it was my turn to talk about myself.       A sea of faces staring at me waiting to hear about my experience.   of writing?     What genre?    Publishing?   What did I hope to achieve?    Head pounding.   Stunned.   In shock actually as I previously mentioned up at 3.15am.    I pushed myself to get there.    (Yes in answer to your question on Tuesday,  I did lose someone.   Have since heard funeral interstate next thursday which means I will start driving there on Wednesday. )     They all write differently but even the other beginner is a musical composer and plays several instruments.     All far more advanced than I had imagined.       My turn to read after beginner's short piece that reminded me of an act in a play where I could hear classical sombre music by Rachmaninoff in the background. I did give him that feedback and he thanked me nervously.     Did not help my dilemma.     So I opted for the shortest piece of my writing which was an attempt at poetry even though I do not know how to write poetry.     Three people actually gave me lovely feedback each different but music to my ears.     am still making up my mind about this whole thing.       After all these are people who write like anyone of us.        Why am I holding myself accountable and questioning my efforts?      I did let them know that I am attending to learn how to put all of my writing into something!      Whatever that is.     The timing was wrong of course with my state of mind.       Nevertheless I did actually tell myself that I was very proud of what I had achieved even before going there.       To turn up and read some work was huge for me.      I think that I am feeling too deeply as usual.      I am bogged in grief that has been added to existing pile.        am putting all of this on hold until I decide what to take along to next meeting.     Format is all changing as well so not everyone will get to read their work.    Will think about it next year.     Probably night before meeting!   are you sorry that you asked Mmmme?   Good news re some support.     As to quality one can hope that once they get to know you that will change.

take care

Ems

[Moonstruck]

I have just found this thread.  It's wonderful and one I maybe able to relate to....write my own dialogue? can I do that?  with all the inane rules and regulations heaped upon us and more and more...especially now. It's Christmas.  You MUST be happy!  It's the LAW!    If only I could spend it on an empty stage, with its darkened rows of seats ...."the sleeping giant" who lets me be whoever I want.  

[amd1953]

Buona Giornata Ems,

As a matter of fact, I'm playing Theseus on Christmas Day at the Odeon of Athens.   I just hope my nerve holds out in front of all those theatricals.   It should go down better than Hamlet last year.   I don't think I will ever recover from that performance.   I always knew I was destined for the stage.   The first one out of town.   Seriously though, I did play Noah's wife in a primary school production once and I had to chase the mice with a wooden carving knife.   Oh well, it did make everyone laugh.   Unfortunately, I didn't pursue acting as a career much to the relief of Sir Laurence Olivier and Sir John Gielgud.   A little Shakespeare goes a long way as they say.  

No, I didn't write Why Not.   Can't imagine why not.   It sounds perfectly feasible to me.   

Did you know that the worst thing in the world is to be misunderstood.   The second worst thing is to have to acknowledge it.   Be that as it may.   The Darling Buds of May, in fact.   Shall I compare thee to a summer's day.

I like my poetry to rhyme.   It is one of my many weaknesses.   One of the many hundreds.   But I am still a minor force to be reckoned with.   Not even that really.   More like a peace-keeping force.   

I have to begin a new line with this one.   I have just been reading something online that promotes the idea of total forgiveness.  Not just for ourselves but for other people as well.   The secret is to let go of any negative thoughts and replace them with positive ideas for a healthy future.   Holding on to regrets and anger is a soul-destroying waste of mental energy.   While others may not always be able to find it in their hearts to offer forgiveness to us, we must take the essential step to forgive ourselves and others.   By doing this we allow ourselves to heal naturally and obtain the mental and physical balance that shapes our lives.   By forgiving those who we feel have wronged us, we have taken the initiative to end our own shadows of guilt and suffering.   The author of the article compared this negativity to owning a garden of weeds.   If we want to grow strong healthy plants, we must remove the weeds and prepare the ground for the seeds we wish to grow.   In this case, the seeds are our own positive thoughts and best intentions for a brighter life.   As with our own mental and physical wellbeing, we have the responsibility of ensuring that we give ourselves the greatest chance of future success that we can provide.   I have learned this week that if I don't regularly maintain my garden, it will become overgrown and an eyesore on the landscape.   It then takes more time and effort to bring the garden back into a natural balance.   

Well, I might close for now.

Be safe and be strong, my friend.

Buona notte

Assiduously Monitoring Developments 1953

[mmMekitty]

Hi Ems,

You did very well for your first meeting, talking about yourself, reading some of your writing & hearing members comment on it, making some comments about theirs, too - that's a lot, especially given that amplified reader to children.

*

Hello Moonstruck - I just want to say, your words, always welcome. 

Interesting idea: alone on a stage, with no-one in the audience either.

So, there you are, the sleeping giant. You stir, awaken. 

what do you say? What are the first words out of your mouth?

If I can imagine for a minute, if I was you, my first words might be "Leave me alone."

& then I'd look around, wondering if anyone actually heard me.

....

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[amd1953]

Addendum/Postscript

I have just awoken from what I can only assume was a deep sleep.   The time now is 2:22am not the usual 4am.   I would dearly love to understand what it is that wakes me up and why.   I do not want to resort to the sleeping meds I used in the past.   I hope that passes scrutiny.   Yes, I have awoken and here I am with my mind razor sharp and already dissecting and deconstructing Homer's Iliad.   Heavens above!  What is wrong with this man?  That is, of course, a rhetorical question.   I certainly do not expect anyone to actually tell me.   I already have my suspicions though and so do plenty of others.

Ems, I know my greatest weakness.   It is a propensity to dwell in the past and dredge up all of the most negative nonsense that constituted my life then.   I am talking of decades of such nonsense, and all written with my own pen.   If we are considered to be the authors of our own lives, then I beg to rewrite my script.   All too human, alas.   What I would give to live a writer's life in Paris in the early 1900's.   Even a day would be too short to soak up the magic of the moment.   To be able to idly sit at a cafe table in early spring on the Rue Cler and dare to be a people watcher.   To observe life at the time it was actually taking place.   To be a voyeur of human nature.   The lovers holding hands and gazing into each other's eyes as they saunter past in the early morning sunlight.  Oblivious to everything that does not contain their love for each other.   To witness the intricacies of life in motion by people you have never met.   In the background perhaps an accordion playing and the continual buzz of hushed conversation.   That is life.   That is real life.   Who needs to fictionalise anything when it is right there in front of you?   It makes my own attempts seem inconsequential.   Your own life pales into insignificance when you see what others are doing.   In your heart, you know that you will never be part of it.   You can only watch and marvel at the variety of experiences that life provides.   It is like wearing horse blinkers and then having someone remove them to show what you have been missing for all this time.   It seems like a desperate muddle after a kitten has been playing with a ball of wool.   It takes my breath away when I think of what I have missed.   Well, there it is, the incessant ramblings of someone who should know better.   But better than what?  Whose rules will I be living by in the next lifetime?   I am a bird who has never flown.   I have stood on the highest mountain and spread my wings, but I am still earthbound.   It could be a Greek tragedy in three acts or a Shakespearean comedy in one.   I have been writing for almost one hour and I think it would be prudent of me to withdraw to the nearest pile of straw.   What must you think of me in my sleepiest hour?   I cannot wait for the hour to click over.

Adieu Ems

Antonius Marcus Democritus 19 - 53 BC 3:22am

[Emotions26]

Time 2.22     I too notice time multiples       Intriguing

Another piece of prose at 3.22       The pile of straw would have been calling you.

Ah your words take me back to our first meeting.    I entered the amphitheatre after reading them.

A solitary voice had drawn me there. Your words were    “all the world’s a stage”

I wrote to you then   

Can I be brave and say to you that it is never too late to be true to ourselves.  Even if for a single day for me that is magical        You have left the productions behind that have served you until now.

Now the world is an open stage - an outdoor theatre - an ampitheatre         No more curtains.

Your choices will always be endless as they are yours.

On reading your latest scroll I took off.  I by chance found an ancient silver coin as I explored the Odeon at Athens.    This I have placed on an old stone bench as a way of reserving my seat for the opening performance.

I must bid you adieu at this time as I need to get ready for an appointment. This of course entails my coming back down to this earth!      I will write soon, as this is exactly what drew me here in the first place.

Until we meet again.    Rest up on that bed of straw.

Ems  11.34am

[Emotions26]

Hello Moonstruck

The opening letter is incredible. 

I hope that you get to meet the wonderful Amd.  

Whilst this is not my space.  It is the work of Amd.

On my part I would say a person writing their own dialogue whilst present on an empty stage has an opportunity to bring forth some interesting lines.     The sleeping giant might offer an interesting contribution.

We are happy here.   Our struggles and differences are well accepted.

Ems

[amd1953]

Greetings Ems,

Interesting seating arrangements.   I wonder how much they charge for the balcony seats.   I would probably need to be as close to the stage as possible due to my poor eyesight.   When I say poor, I mean annoyingly diminished.  At the moment, it is good enough.     I need complete silence when writing these letters.   I find that the music I usually have playing wreaks havoc with my ability to compose.   I think that it has something to do with age again.   My powers of concentration leave much to be desired.   I am content to age gracefully but with the occasional protestation.   This is why it took me so long to "grow up".   I consider the notion to be overrated.   As for my current maturity status.   Well, I'll leave that to the people who judge these things.   Shocking!   Such rebellious thoughts.   Into the stocks with him and be quick about it.   Prepare the rotten tomatoes and the moldy cabbages.   We'll teach this charlatan a thing or two about manners.

I needed a well-earned rest from the work out in the garden today.   It is quite warm so I would not have lasted long without the sanctuary of a shady nook.   That happens to be beneath my cherry tree.   

Perhaps I had better break off there.   As the Kit Kat said to the Mars bar.

Until we meet again, may all your worries and woes be halved, quartered and then zeroed.   May the Lopherina Superba build its nest in a tree near you.

Vale

Semper fortis

Animated Modern Dictionary 1953 edition