On the road and reaching out

[Recalibrator]

Hi there. I've been a fan of BB for many years - never thought I'd be here though. Funny how life takes you on random pathways. But, I'm grateful that this is an option & I'm at a stage where I'm hoping for some advice.

I'm currently travelling around Australia with my family. I quit my job in the middle of last year after 18 months of what can only be described as a targeted campaign to crush me. Through a series of restructures, redundancies, discipline processes and extreme workload pressures without adequate resources, they nearly did. Hit after hit after hit. Thankfully, my hubby said enough was enough - we sold our house, bought a van & here we are - nomading our way around the country.

In the midst of the worst, I was diagnosed with an adjustment disorder/situational depression (Jan 2016). I know a lot of people say that they'd never expect themselves to be in a position like that, but didn't. I was the epitome of resilience. Of confidence. Of speaking my mind. Of standing up to those who preyed on those who couldn't. Of questioning the status quo. Turned out those traits were my downfall. And so they questioned my integrity, my professionalism & my loyalty.

Questioning my integrity hurt the most. It still does.

Unions and lawyers were consulted. I had a slightly better than 50% case. Formal complaints were lodged. Management banded in a united front and despite evidence, an 'external investigator' (paid for by my organisation) deemed there to be no case answerable. I chose not to pursue it any further for my own sanity, my family and to preserve any chance of future employment in my regional town.

And I moved on. Or so I thought. We've spent nearly half a year as a family travelling and the day to day pressure is off. I should be happy, I got out (others haven't). But I'm not. I'm just not me. I don't know who I am without work. I was very good at my job. This past six months has shown me that I have spent a lifetime defining myself by what I do. My rational brain gets that I shouldn't, but it's what I do.

I had considerable counselling whilst I was in the situation. I think I need help so given we're back home for a family b'day I saw my Dr today. He's checking my bloods but said I didn't need meds, I needed more counselling - hard to do when I'm on the road though.

Which brings me here. Are these forums a place that I can access support? Are there online counselling support services? Any suggestions for this weary traveller?

[BballJ]

Hi Recalibrator,

Firstly, welcome to the forums, well done for reaching out, it is exactly what these forums are for.

Wow, you have been on a journey, I am big advocate for counselling so I can understand why your doctor has suggested you continue. You can possibly speak with Beyond Blue directly on 1300 22 4636 to discuss what your counselling options may be since you are travelling on the road. Secondly, as you have done by joining the forums, there are so many great people on here who have some form of mental health issue that offer some great advice just by talking and that can be great in itself, I know personally being on here has helped my mental health just as much as my counsellor due to the overwhelming support of people and there advice having been through similar to what I have, which I think you may find comfort in too.

My best for you,

Jay

[white knight]

Hi recalibrator, welcome

Jay has good advice there.

I understand, fully. 1987 saw my integrity tested. I'd been in the Raaf, prison officer and 3 councils and my bosses wanted me to give preferential treatment to a politician. I had all the evidence but you know how it goes...a kangaroo court. It triggered anxiety and 10 months later l got the sack.

This is not unusual. Google The paddington bear affair and the colour tv affair both cases where pollies in the 80's tried to return to oz and not declare items, expecting preferential treatment. One customs officer never left his home after that. Shame, pollie shame.

My therapist helped. He told me I'm a black and white man in a grey world. Learn to be greyer he said.

So eventually forcably retired many years later in 2013. Yes, l never fully recovered and have depression and bipolar 2 etc. So really that event was a huge trigger for conditions l had l didnt know about.

Last year we took off like you around oz. But being out of my comfort zone for 13 weeks was a challenge. Thankfully l had this forum to reply to members to distract me.

Since retirement I've reflected on much of my working life. The last 13 years was running my own investigation business with its own challenges. So many decisions taken that placed me at great risk. Confrontations were common. Even incidents in the prison in 1977-1980 haunt me. But l dont think we are alone.

I think faith in yourself plays a huge part. At the time you did what you felt was right. Nothing else matters. They, the guilty, do make a collective, they close ranks and they strip you of anything strippable. Justice?, dont expect it. Revenge, that isnt right either. Honour, well if its all you have left it was worth it.

Please google...

Topic: the best praise you'll ever get- beyondblue

Maharaji the perfect jnstrument

Maharaji sunset

Glad to meet you. There are thousands of threads here to read that will help while you are travelling.

By the way, not taking legal action was the better option.

Tony WK

[geoff]

hi Recalibrator, even though you have decided to go around Australia to try and avoid any problems doesn't mean that these issues will just go away, because depression will never allow this to happen, soit goes with you.
If you google 'online counseling free' there maybe someone who you can connect with, but it will be trial and error. Geoff.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Recalibrator, as mentioned our support service on 1300 22 4636 may be able to assist with some different options, but the MindSpot Clinic provides free online counselling services: https://mindspot.org.au/

Our forums are certainly a space to access peer support, and we hope you'll find some ideas on moving forward from the many threads we have here.

[Recalibrator]

Thank you Jay! I appreciate your comments and I think I will try some peer support through this forum. And I'll give the hotline a call to see what options there are for me. Thank you again.

[Recalibrator]

Hi Tony,

Thank you! I will definitely check out those google searches - thanks for suggesting it. And you are right - I'm not expecting justice, I know revenge is futile and it's not really what I want anyway... I really just want them to open their eyes and realise they are hurting really great, passionate people... even to the point of contemplating suicide (some of my past colleagues not me). It's just sad that organisations just don't understand that if they treat their people well, their people will repay it in spades... And yes, I know not taking legal action was the right decision... a former colleague is currently in the midst of a big court case with them at the moment - that's not something I want for myself or my family. I just want to revert back to being my happy, confident, motivated self again - that to me is the best form of revenge. Moving on and being successful at the things that make me happy!

Thank you for taking the time.

[Recalibrator]

Hi Geoff,

I shall definitely be googling tonight!!! I don't consider what we're doing running away. I honestly thought I was in a much better place and by removing myself from the situation and concentrating on my family and my health that was the best option. But I realise too that I'm not myself and 100% so I definitely have to delve deeper into why that is, and it clearly stems from the past 18 months at work. Anyway, I shall definitely use the resources at my disposal and get googling!

Thanks!

[Recalibrator]

Hi Sophie,

I shall give the support hotline a call and suss out my options. But I shall also check out Mind Spot as well - thanks for your suggestion. I also like the idea of peer support and accessing the collective advice and experiences too. Thanks so much 🙂

[BballJ]

Hi Recalibrator,

That's great news, hopefully they have some information for you to help but getting involved in the forums is a great way to alleviate some of the stresses of dealing with depression and mental health in general. As you can see, so many people have already reached out to help and give advice and that's what these forums are about.

My best,

Jay