No friends at all

[Dew_94]

I have had this sick realisation I don't really have any friends at all since I was 17. I just turned 23 and feel really bad about it. I feel like no one would genuinely want to be friends with me because I don't have some already. I have tried to meet others but as soon as they know they disappear. I don't have depression or anxiety however I feel if I don't get some friends into my life, I could very well sink into depression. As a child I use to be extremely quiet and shy. I am still very quiet now however I am told I carry myself confidently (so I got told from job interviews that my presentation was impressive) I have a full time job so that keeps me busy enough usually. My family and boyfriend don't understand how I don't have any. They say I'm intelligent, humble, pretty and hardworking so there should be no reason I have such difficulty in making friends. I have put in effort when I was in uni actively trying to talk to others gone to meetups etc with no results. What should I do? For the past year I've been feeling like an alien, there's something wrong with me and it cannot be fixed.

[Just Sara]

Hi Dew and welcome to our caring BB community;

It's late and I'm going to bed very shortly, but I thought I'd drop you a line to let you know you're heard and supported.

I'd rather talk when I'm feeling more alert so we can chat and get into things at a better pace. Please don't think I'm putting you off; I'm here because I truly care and understand your situation ok?

Post on here as much as you want. Cruise the sections and threads to find something of interest or visit the BeyondBlue Café (Social Zone) for some social contact. If you persist, you may make friends or find like minded souls to share words with. Give it time, and maybe even help others in your quest.

I must go hun, my poor eyes are nearly closed.

Talk tomorrow ok?

Hug...Sara

[solabear]

I hear you loud and clear, I can relate to your post, because I've struggled to make friends all in my life. I'm in my 50's now, consider myself intelligent, well informed, kind and compassionate, but still find it hard to connect with people on a deeper level. I don't know why.

I think friendship happens between two people when there is a mental connection between two people and by sharing experiences together trust builds up and turns into an emotional connection. I hope it makes sense. So it has to be a mental connection between two people to begin with. But some people are different from the majority like myself and it's difficult to find connection with others.

I hope I've made sense.

So don't worry about it too much sweetie, you are special the way you are and you will find friends or a friend when you're not looking for it.

I hope this helped

Hugs

Sola

[TwoSix1]

Hi,

I am also a 23 year old who has no friends at all (I thought I was the only one!). There was even a period where I worked full-time, had a number of "friends" at work and would regularly socialise (clubbing, partying), yet on reflection I almost felt lonelier than ever.

I now spend a lot of my time alone (although I live with family, I don't work), and often get overwhelmingly depressed about my lack of real friends. Know that your not alone in that feeling - that can help.

Sometimes if I do something especially nice for my family, it can help my feelings of loneliness.

I hope you feel better soon

[solabear]

Hi TwoSix,

I just wanted to say hello and welcome you to the forum. Here you can make friends and not feel alone.

Check out the Social Zone and drop in for a drink in our BB Caffe.

Nice to meet you

Sola

[Dew_94]

TwoSix, I feel better I'm not the only 23 yr old, your post has helped my mood thanks

[Just Sara]

Hey again Dew and a big welcome and hello to 26!

Reading both your posts has lifted my spirits. It's one of the reasons I'm here supporting people to get their lives on track.

It's great you've connected with each other and priceless finding out you're both not alone in your quest for friendship.

I joined BB in crisis Oct 2015 and since have made wonderful friends and connections. I went on to become a Community Champion to 'give back' and feel a sense of achievement and value. I'd love to see you both also heal, grow and flourish in this online community.

Please don't feel anything but cared about and wanted. Our support is 'real' ok?

I know from reading your words, you're both kind, gentle and willing to reach out to give as well as receive friendship. That's all it takes; hitting those keys to create conversation.

I wish you well and will keep an eye out for you both on the forum.

Miles of smiles...

Sara...hugs 🙂

Btw...big thankyou to Solar for the input and caring hun. x

[startingnew]

Hello and welcome to the forums 🙂 hi to 26 too 🙂

i am 20 and i dont have 'real' friends either. lonliness has the power to make you feel alienated i get itim wondering if you guys have any particular interest areas? could you join an interest group in your local area?

please know that even though you dont 'know' us we are real people behind these screens with real experiences thoughts, emotions etc and our care and support for you is genuine

sending you welcoming hugs and hope to see you around too 🙂

[Jimny]

Hi Dew_94's,

The fact is you are not weird or unusual, many people do not have close friends. I am also in the process of better "socializing" my life. As someone who endured episodes of depression without any close friends or family (aside from my significant other), I am now realizing that having a good support network may help me through difficult times in the future. However, not having friends did not "cause" my depression. The cause of depression is complex.

I am not the best person to give advice on how to make and keep friends, but I am picking up things on the way.

Like job hunting, I find I need to be very proactive. I no longer wait around for people to ask me to do things (as I would in the past), I initiate the invite. For me, my social life always involves around an activity (for me, it's sport). If people blow me off or it doesn't work out, I don't take it personally and just keep at it (something my depressive self would not have done). I am finding this easiest when you are doing an activity that you are really passionate about. Failures happen but eventually you will meet people you click with. It's just a numbers game really, it takes time, and confidence.

One thing you may want to think about as well: Do you feel pressurized by those around you to have more friends or is this something you want? The pressure to conform to other's wishes (i.e. you may not really want many friends) can be quite stressful.

As an aside, I would encourage you to consider seeking professional help (therapy if possible) asap if you feel like you may gravitate into depression/anxiety. Much better you identify thought patterns now before developing something more substantial.

I wish you all the best. Lots of great resources on this site. Hopefully something I said was helpful.

Regards,

Jimny