New - Ongoing fear and being 'stuck'

[WetGrass]

Hi all,

I'm new to these forums. I have been seeing a therapist for almost two years now and making progress - but very, very slowly. I have been diagnosed with Complex PTSD, Anxiety, Avoidant Personality Disorder and Dissociative Identity Disorder. I am employed in a demanding and challenging career and seem from the outside to be 'normal'. I have a home, live a stable and 'average' life - but I have no relationships at all. I have acquaintances that I occasionally spend time with but no close relationships with family or friends. I keep myself hidden and no one knows me at all.

I am terrified of people 'finding out' about my past and my mental health issues and extremely concerned that I will never be 'normal'. I have discussed this with my therapist but I'm hoping there are others out there that feel similarly and have made greater progress than me.

I am trying to maintain a positive outlook but it's challenging when I feel stuck with no obvious way out of the situation I am in. I look forward to interacting with people here and hopefully getting some new points of view from people in similar situations.

Thanks.

[Starwolf]

Hi WetGrass, welcome to the community.

Well done for seeking professional assistance. Recovery is no even road. Sometimes progress is made, then we seem to reach a pause. Has this been discussed with your therapist ? Do you have any idea what is stopping you now from moving on ? Do you have a good connection with your psych (+ not all of them specialize in PTSD treatment). Or is it a difficult to go past inner blockage ? It can take time and a lot of soul searching to find out.

Considering what you are up against, you are doing a remarkable job of keeping it together on the outside. It is of course taking its toll as a lot of energy goes into it.

It would of course be ideal if you could open up to a loved one (can you think of someone who would really like and deserve to know the truth ?). Struggling alone makes it so much more difficult...

Due to a childhood of physical, emotional abuse, sexual abuse later and a series of traumas further down the line, I too ended up with PTSD and its by-products. I'm connecting with you today to let you know that with the right help, support and unwavering commitment, control and quality of Life can be reclaimed. Those are your birthright.

This is a safe space to connect, share and/or let steam off. Please do not hesitate to make it your space. We're here to listen and support you every step of the way.

[WetGrass]

Thank you very much for your reply Starwolf, I really appreciate it. My therapist is excellent and definitely specialises in PTSD - I did a lot of research before I took the step of seeking help, it was a huge step for me. I'm definitely a bit stuck at the moment, I have discussed this and my therapist is supportive and working hard to help me. I think the habits of a lifetime are hard to shift and my social isolation make it even more challenging. I'm working on my connections but it's a big struggle, I'll just have to keep trying. I am trying to keep my head up and be patient but some days are a struggle.

Thanks again for your reply.

[Starwolf]

Thank you for reassuring us that you are in good professional hands. It is indeed a terrific advantage.

You are right, long entrenched brain patterns cannot be shifted easily. Please be patient with yourself and keep working one tiny step at a time. Slow, persistent work does it. I perceive a fair bit of grit between the lines of your posts...a great asset to have on your side.

Do you have coping strategies in place for those difficult days ?

Wishing you a peaceful, restful Sunday.

[WetGrass]

Thanks again Starwolf, it is very helpful and reassuring to discuss this with someone who 'gets it'. Whilst I am extremely lucky to have a very good and compassionate therapist I sometimes struggle to explain the intricacies of how I feel and how I'm thinking - and I obviously have no idea if my therapist has experienced anything like this, and while they tell me that it will get better it is somehow more reassuring to hear from someone who has 'done it'.

I am trying to be patient, I feel like I am a very patient person, but I also feel like I've been waiting a long time to move on and not have to deal with all this. The roadblocks are so frustrating. I have been completely exhausted recently, which may actually be a positive sign, as in the past it has indicated that my brain is readjusting somehow. I don't know if there is any scientific basis behind that but that's what it feels like to me. It's hard for me to think positively about myself but the fact that I'm still here may reflect some grit. Or stubbornness. Both work.

I need to work on my coping strategies, old habits die hard and I need to have a few more options to get through the tough days. Thanks again, I hope you're having a good weekend.

[Guest_128]

Hellooooooooooooo

have a go at the social threads, most of the time they are light and a bit of fun while you all so learn.

I'm sure you have heard this a million times but, start a sport,an interest,volunteer,gym,etc.

See you around.

Dory