New here

[alfthewalrus]

Hi my names Brad, im 20 years old and i have been struggling recently. I play in a band and as a result go to alot of gigs. Performing on stage is ironically the only time when my mind is not flooded. The hardest part is when im not performing, i struggle being in crowds, i constantly have the feeling like everyone is judging what im doing, what im wearing or how i move to the music. I almost always stand at the back of the room so i cant be seen and to avoid talking to people. I often find myself leaving the gig after we play and just waiting in the car for my band mates until the gig is over.

Also my dedication to the band makes working difficult. Last year i finally found a job suitable but at the start of this year i got let go because there wasnt enough work for me to stay. Its been 6 months now and im scared of starting a new job. Im terrified of confrontation and scared of being told i suck at my job. Ive had only had 1 job interview this year and i didnt attend because of my fears, constantly 2nd gyessing myself and playing over the 1000s of irrational possibilities of the interview. I constantly stress over what im going to do for work once the bands lifetime is over as i have no other life skills.

Im constantly figiting, can never sit still, constantly have a strained neck, have dizzy spells and struggling to sleep lately. I recently started smoking stupidly thinking it would relief some of this stress and pain. Im lacking the motivation to go see friends or even leave the house. My parents are very supportive people but i dont feel confortable sharing this with them, or with my closest friends either. Im scared that theyll think of me differently or just tell me im overreacting. So instead ive found myself sharing my flooded mind here.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi alfthewalrus,

I’m so glad you decided to reach out here. I hope it’s okay for me to extend a caring welcome to you...

You sound as though you’re often feeling very anxious, unsettled, self conscious and fearful of the future. It must be so hard to feel as you do...

I think playing on stage is your “home”, so to speak, based on what you’re saying. It’s where you feel most like yourself. I feel it’s calming and therapeutic for you...it must be a wondeful feeling. I suppose the painful part is when you’re off-stage...

With all those swirling emotions and physical symptoms, I wonder if you have seen your GP recently. I was thinking that you might find it helpful, if you haven’t already, to make an extended appointment with your GP to assess your mental health.

If appropriate, s/he can help you draw up a mental health care plan that will entitle you to a certain number of Medicare rebatable services. Perhaps this is something you might like to consider...just a thought..

About your worries, I get where you’re coming from. It can be a very real struggle worrying about what others think of you. The fear of judgment can be very real...

That said, as real and valid as those feelings are, I feel chances are that people aren’t judging you as harshly as you might think...I think people tend to be very self focused so chances are they are thinking more about how they look when they’re moving to the music, how their clothes make them look, etc (rather than judging you or other people).

As for people who do go out of their way to judge others harshly, I feel that’s a reflection of their own insecurities because people who are confident within themselves don’t need to put others down to make themselves feel good. This is just my thoughts...I hope this reassures you a little though...

About your worries in terms of your employability...presumably you play an instrument seeing as you’re in a band? I feel that’s a skill, for sure 🙂 Perhaps you might like to give music lessons, for example. I suppose what I’m trying to express is maybe you have overlooked some of your existing skills. I’m sure there are other ones too...

It would be wonderful to hear from you again as we would like to know how you’re going. Please feel free to write as often as you like here. As I said, you’re most welcome here.

Kind and warm thoughts,

Pepper

[Tessica]

Brad, Welcome here. I am new too and while im not experiencing things the same way as you some of the stuff you said resonated with me too. I have been feeling really down lately and i am feeling rather self conscious. i have become doubtful in my skills and abilities and often think about what my boss or co workers think of me. I am also worried about being told i suck at my job and that i will be performance managed if i show fragility, even though im not sure that is what will happen. My daughter is young musician in similar circumstances to yourself so i feel like i fully understand whats happening for you. Anyway. i reached out here because i needed an anchor for myself before i float away and got so caught up in my feelings that i get lost. I am so glad you are here too and hope that you find the support you are looking for. I think Pepper has given you some excellent advice 🙂