New and hopeless

[Hollowwolf]

Hi all, I'm new.

I'm 19 coming up on 20 in a few weeks. I have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety and a few other things. I was originally diagnosed when I was in high school, around the age of 14 but that was also the first time I'd ever been to a phsycologist so I'm not sure how long I have been like this.

so anyway, getting to the point. A year and a bit ago I moved out of home and into a rental property with my partner who is the love of my life. At the time I had a full time job and was doing ok, and my partner received/s a descent centrelink allowance. Somewhere along that line I got so depressed and sucked into that black hole I got admitted to the hospital for suicidal ideation. I hadn't acted on the thoughts but I had plans.

When I was admitted my partner, my phsycologist and I decided it was best for me to resign from my full time position so I did. So I was out of work and had no income of my own.

About three months later my partner and I had to move out of the rental because we simply couldn't afford it. We are in a fair amount of debt now because of this. We are now moved into my partners mums house.

Now we have a bedroom and one cupboard in the kitchen and laundry to store out thing a in, and boxes of everything we own in the shed. Now I live my partner, he is the love of my life and he goes through hell with me and I him but it's hard. His mum is one of those people who talks down to everyone and makes them feel like shit with a simple tone in her voice. Lovely lady, but she makes me feel so worthless and like absolute trash.

Now I wasn't doing well with my depression when I got here but I can feel myself sinking further back into that hole. I still have no income because of my age and my parents income, my partner doesn't get that much considering, but can't find work. I love my boyfriend, and his mum. But living here with her making me feel like shit under her boot is killing me, but we have no where else to go. I'm too proud to move back in with my parents and we have no money either way so we are stuck. To top it all off my boyfriends depression is getting worse because he feels like he's failing me. It's a never ending cycle, we both feel so down in the dumps that we can't help each other much and his mum making everything that but worse whenever she opens her mouth. Advice? I'm so lost here. I'm so scared that I'm being sucked down that hole again and each day is getting worse. Any help is appreciated

[BballJ]

Hi Hollowwolf,

Firstly, welcome to the forums. Well done for posting your story and reaching out for support. I am sorry to read what you and your boyfriend are currently going through.

I understand you had to resign from your full time position, are you trying to get maybe casual or part time work at all? Or are you not meant to be working at all?

I know you said you are too proud to move back into your parents house but it sounds like maybe that may be the best option for you, your boyfriend stays at his home and you go to yours, doesn't mean you have to break up or anything, just a way to try and get back on your feet and work through some stuff and then look at moving back out again. Having debt and not being able to find a job is hard. Do your parents know what is happening with you and how you are feeling currently?

I would also recommend staying in contact with your doctor to let them know how you are feeling as well.

Please, post back as much as you like, I am always happy to talk.

My best for you and your boyfriend,

Jay

[Hollowwolf]

Hi Jay, thank you for your reply.

im actually not meant to be working at all but I am looking for part time work, but no luck so far.

I think it might be the best option for me to, I just wish it wasn't. I depend on my boyfriend so heavily with my mental health that not having him with me all the time would do more damage. Thing is, I won't ask him to move in with my parents because of how I feel here, could be the same for him there, you know.

My parents know roughly how I feel but I don't talk to them about it. They're not exactly the most undererstanding with these types of things, which is ironic because both of them have anxieties. I am seeing my doctor again tomorrow and I'm hoping she can shed some light on how I should cope and just help me feel hetter in general I guess. I wish there was things I could do to make things easier, I just feel so helpless.

Hannah

[geoff]

hello Hannah, can I welcome you to the BB forum.

I don't think it would be wise to stay at your b/friends home because of how his mum talks to you, you are trying to overcome depression but if she makes you feel worthless it's going to be difficult.

If you need help with these creditors and to stop any phone calls then book an appointment with Anglicare.

They were such a great help to me with companies chasing money, plus they may also be able to provide temporary accommodation.

I do have a concern you moving in with your parents only because they both have anxiety and may not be able to help you with your depression.

Let us know how you get on. Geoff.

[RationalDave]

Hi Hannah. Welcome aboard, I'm quite new here too and this will be the first time I'm attempting to offer anyone anything, so bear with me.

Firstly, it's inspiring to hear young people talking opening about there circumstances, you're already off to a better start than many, however, I think you may be under estimating your parents and your partners parents. They really are the closest people to you both and can offer the greatest support, given the right motivation.

I can sympathise with the disapproving non-parent thing, I had a partner at the same age who's mother disliked me for various reasons. Her motivation was to protect her daughter from me, not realising that she wasn't going to get between us and her actions were hurting us all. What I'm trying to say is this; your partners mother cares deeply about her son's wellbeing and when she realises that the way she treats you hurts her son - and therefore everyone around him - she'll change her tone.

The question then is, do you believe that you'll be better served by avoiding the problem, or resolving it? Obviously no one is in any position to judge which approach is right for you.

I may be way off-base here, but I'm going to suggest that your partners mother believes she's helping to motivate you by talking down to you in an attempt to spur you into positive action. It's entirely possible this is how she was raised too. Of course, you and I (and probably everyone else here) knows full well that it does far more harm than good for someone suffering depression. "Hey, I'm already in a big black hole! Sure, fill in the hole with your negativity, I can't possibly get any worse!?" That's how I felt for a long time.

If you can make her understand how her actions make you feel and how they hurt her son, I'm certain she will see the error in her ways. The vast majority of people are simply not evil, they don't want to hurt people, they want to be happy and make the people around them happy. I mean, what mother doesn't want her son to be happy?

Start the conversation. It may be awfully awkward and weird and upsetting... tears, anger, frustration... but it may be a really positive step to resolving the conflict and removing one more of the problems preventing you all from being happy. That's what we all want, right?

Dave.

[BballJ]

Hi Hollowwolf,

I understand what you are saying and that you rely on your boyfriend for your mental health battles but in reality this is not healthy. In my humble opinion when trying to recover from mental health issues, it is such a long process and it is one you almost have to do on your own to a certain extent whilst having a solid support network around you, that being your boyfriend where you would lean on him in the extra tough times for his support and guidance and holding onto the fact he loves you very much when things get a little too much at a certain time to handle. Mental health is just that, mental, our own mental state, so working through things is done best between you and your doctor which you said you went back to see.

How did that go?

My best,

Jay