Loser

[J_Mac]

I guess I need some help, I’m 42 yrs old and am seen as a loser and just don’t want to be seen like that anymore. I have never had a real friendship with anyone where I could talk about things with. I just cannot connect with people not even my own family. Something that happens regularly and a good example was today I called in to my family’s home and sat next to one of my family ask them how they are going? After a short response and within 2 minutes they get up get a drink and go and sit with someone else and I’m left sitting on my own, this has happened pretty much my whole life, It’s just makes you feel worthless and not important.

[blondguy]

Hello J.Mac

Welcome to the forums. You have a strong sense of well being by having the courage to post with us and good on you! I am 58 and also thought I was a (major) loser in 2016 when I joined the forums.....Except I didnt have your courage to create my own post as quickly as you have. It took me weeks to write my own thread as I was feeling worthless and unimportant

I understand where you are coming from as I have often felt awkward where socialising is concerned. Being left on your own in family environment would feel awful J.Mac

The forums are a safe and friendly place for you to post J.Mac. There is no judgement here!

If you wish to have a chat there are many people on the forums that feel the same pain too. I really hope you can stick around the forums (if you wish and when its convenient for you of course)

my kind thoughts for you J.Mac

Paul

[baet123]

Hey Jmac,

Welcome to the forums and love your username. Super catchy and rolls off the tongue!

Thanks for posting and sharing your situation with us and you have come to the right place. You will find these forums as a loving, caring and non-judgmental platform where you are able to post as little or as much as you are comfortable with. Many people have experienced and are experiencing similar thoughts, feelings and emotions as you and I hope you are able to find their posts and experiences beneficial.

Like Paul mentioned above, you have shown exhibited great courage and bravery by posting and this is something you should be proud of. I can tell you are extremely strong and resilient and these are amazing qualities you possess.

You mention that you have never had a real friendship where you are able to talk about things. If you don't mind me asking, what are some of your interests/hobbies? I believe you may wish to consider using websites/applications to build your social network. Finding people who are like minded and share similar interests is a great way of meeting new people and building solid, long lasting relationships. Websites including meetup and we3app is a good place to start.

You seem super intelligent, thoughtful and caring to say the least and I look forward to learning more about you and your situation. Things will get better mate.

Look forward to seeing you around J.

[White_Rose]

Dear J.Mac

Welcome to the forum. I very much doubt you are a loser but I understand you have been made to feel this way by the actions of others. It's very hard to be in this position and keep your confidence.

As Baet has said, meeting others with similar hobbies and interests can open up an opportunity for friendship. Do you go out to work? If so how do you relate to your colleagues? May I ask if you are married or have a partner? Not being nosey, just want to understand your situation. Of course answering any questions is up to you. This is a safe place to be but it is sometimes the case that we need to feel more comfortable before talking about ourselves.

Socializing can be a tricky business. How do you get to know someone, do you ask questions, as I have just done, does the other person feel you are interested in what they say. The list of skills is huge and mostly we wing it. With our close friends we do know more about them and they us, but we usually have only a couple of very close friends.

Some of my interests are, reading and a member of a book club, meditating, volunteer job, hosting a discussion group. I also have various craft interests at home. So I meet people in all sorts of ways. Some I get on with immediately, others take longer.

Another activity you may enjoy is study. I like to learn and find it rewarding. If you also like this you may like to join a course of something at TAFE. These are all places to meet others who will not have any history with you which means no preconceived ideas. It's a chance to be who you are rather than the person you have been considered to be (without any justification).

Love to hear from you again soon.

Mary

[J_Mac]

Thank you, for the reply’s, I have never spoken to anyone about my life, but if I want to have a better quality and less lonely life then I need some help in doing that. I come from a very sociable family whom everybody loves and gets along with. So quite often I tag along trying to be part of that.

Right through school from Prep up to Year 11 I was bullied, from grade 4 to year 10 was the most severe, I would say pretty much ever day some kind of bullying occurred. As I was only small in primary school when in grade 6 the grade 6 bullies thought it would be funny to get the grade 3 bullies to bash me, not in my nature to fight back.

I was always to embarrassed to speak up and felt ashamed.

I guess I have never dealt with my school years and even at times now I still shed a tear about some of the things that happened.

As I have grown up I have now become a work a holic as this does help as it gives me confidence that I can actually do something.

There are thousands of examples I could give and go on and on but that’s it in a nutshell.

To be perfectly honest as much as I would love to just go to sleep and never wake up, I could never do self harm as I would feel Iike they beat me. So I want to work hard in not feeling miserable and low and hopefully one day have friends that would enjoy my company.