Long Distance Relationship Depression

[Char_Teres]

I am having a really hard time in my long distance relationship. We are solid but I am not. I’m finding the lack of control really hard. When we hang up it crushes me. He doesn’t know how to help me and I don’t want to resent the fact that he said he’d always be there and it feels like he is there for me less now. It’s nothing to do with him truly, he is the best boyfriend. I’m trying to figure out how to cope better because we both feel hopeless. He always asks if I am okay but when I say I’m not he’ll say I’m so sorry let me know if there is anything I can do. I don’t want him to feel bad just because I feel bad, but it’s so hard being the only one feeling bad right now. I get to see him in 3 weeks but until then every day I’m in tears. My instinct is to shut him out to get some control, but it’s not fair to him so I don’t. I literally don’t know what to do so I’m here.

[Sophia16]

Hi,

Welcome to the forums, and thank you for being brave enough to share your story.

I am really sorry for what you are going through. Long-distance is probably one of the hardest things to deal with.

My partner and I used to be in a long-distance relationship and I felt the same way as you. I felt as if there was no hope and that I was slowly distancing myself.

Setting a goal with your boyfriend as to when you guys will stop being in a long-distance relationship can really motivate you through it. If there is no goal as to when it will end, then it will be really hard to cope.

Sleep calls, face timing and playing couple games can also make you feel more connected.

Let me know how you feel and please stay safe.

[Mk2692]

Hi Char Teres,

Thank you for reaching out and sorry that you are going through a hard time. Long-distance relationships can be challenging because you can't see each other and when you do it's hard to say goodbye knowing you can't see them for a while again. The pandemic could have made it harder fo you to see each other and connect, however, soon travelling will be easier and you can see each other more often. It may be best to communicate the feelings you have to him, he might be also feeling the same way. I'm not sure if you have a plan to take the next step in your relationship, if you talked about eventually moving in together. If you haven't then talk to each other to make it clear when this long distance will end. It may be useful to plan when you want to communicate/speak to each other, as this is the only way to get closer to each other until you meet again. For instance if you want to have a phone call, you can pick a time that suits you both to talk to each other everyday and see each other through face time, that can help keep you connected. Also, showing each other parts of your day like what you are eating, where you are going and being transparent can help make you be more involved in each others lives. I think your partner may be busy with his own life which is why you might feel that he cares less. It's ok to miss him but you should also consider what you want to do in your spare time to keep you engaged with yourself. You might feel less of these feelings when you are out with friends, exercising or doing whatever it is that you love to do. Hope this helps.