Living with intrusive thoughts

[CourtneyS]

Hello, my name is Courtney and I am 32 years old.

I haven’t been diagnosed as of yet. But will try and explain what I feel like I have.

I live with intrusive thoughts on a daily basis which I really struggle doing a ‘normal’ day to day. I work full time and have a pretty easy going job, I can sit with my headphones in and watch movies or listen to music while I work.

today was the day i decided to join Beyond blue as I felt speaking about my thoughts was a little difficult with friends or family as they just tell me to not think about it which isn’t really helpful.
I want to provide some info that might help, I don’t have thoughts of self harm or thoughts of harming others. These thoughts are things that could happen which cause my to think about them over and over again until I crack.

a backstory on me, I had a normal childhood but I don’t remember much of it, there are some parts I can remember but otherwise it’s pretty blank.

I am obsessed with my dogs so much that I call them my children haha, my fiancé isn’t as much as a dog person as me.

anyways, I’m rambling. Below is one of my thoughts today that I’m struggling with -

My thoughts today are that my house might burn down, not specifically today but it could happen and then my dogs would be stuck behind a locked fence. I feel helpless for a situation that hasn’t happened and I feel guilt that my dogs would be stuck and unable to escape and that our belongings would be destroyed. This is just one thing going through my head today.

I am trying everything I can do make the thoughts go away but I’m struggling today. It’s definitely a reminder that we don’t truely know what someone is going through and what they struggle with.

I plan on going to speak with someone about these thoughts but in the current pandemic, I’m unable too.

thanks for reading 🙂

[Sophie_M]

Hi Courtney,   

This sounds really difficult to deal with, and we're glad you could open up about it here, it can be the first step in a journey towards feeling better. We're sorry to hear you're feeling this way, and we want you to know that we're here for you. We hope you can find some comfort on the forums, hopefully some of the lovely members of this community will be along soon, some of whom will be able to relate to what you're going through.   

It's really good to hear that you're planning to talk about this with someone. There's some advice on our website here about having the conversation with your health professional. It can be helpful to plan and think about this in advance. If you're planning to speak to the GP about this, we'd recommend giving them a call to discuss your options during lockdown, they may be able to provide a phone appointment or provide you with an exemption to attend a medical appointment. It would depend on the restrictions in your location, so we can't be sure, but would definitely be worth calling to check. 

We also want you to know that the Beyond Blue helplines are here for you, and you don't have to struggle alone. You can call the Beyond Blue counselling team on 1300 22 4636, or you can use webchat or email. They will be able to advise you on finding support and they know how to support people through panic or distress, right in the moment.   Please don’t think you're rambling - our community are here to listen and offer their kind support to you, and you never know how your story might help someone else. Please do share more with us here on how you are feeling. 

Kind regards, 

Sophie M 

[Petal22]

Hi CourtneyS,

Wellcome to our forums!

I too used to suffer with intrusive thoughts…… they were constant……. They would send my anxiety into over drive…….. I seeked professional help….. I was diagnosed with OCD Obsessive Compulsive Disorder it’s a anxiety disorder…… I have now recovered from this condition thanks to the help I received….

My recovery started by myself seeing my gp we did a mental health plan together this then enabled me to see a clinical psychologist I was also put on a antidepressant to help me to manage my anxiety, I also saw a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with OCD… this then led me to a OCD clinic that specialised in OCD I did a 8 week group therapy there I did meta cognitive therapy this is we’re I learned to master my OCD….. I’ve been recovered for 4 years going strong……

OCD is a vicious cycle but with the correct help you can learn how to break free of its grips……

for me OCD was intrusive thoughts that seemed irrational but felt very real…. The anxiety with OCD is very intense…….

If your thoughts are causing you distress I highly recommend you see your gp when you are able to…..

If it is OCD there is HOPE that you can recover…. With the correct help……

With intrusive thoughts try not to stop them from coming the more attention we give to a thought the more the thought will come back because the brain thinks it’s important….

instead when you have the thoughts try to put your attention on something in the present moment……

I also performed compulsions ….. one was seeking re assurance and I also performed compulsions in my mind… it was exhausting…. I did this to try to bring the anxiety down but it would always come back and the cycle would repeat….

here to chat

[Isabella_]

Hello Courtney,

Welcome to the forums 🙂 Thank you for taking the time to open up. I hope you can find the forums a safe place to let everything out free of judgement, and to feel supported by people who are going through similar situations.

It's really great that you're planning to speak with someone, it sounds like you're going through a lot of worry and anxious thoughts.

What are some of the things you do to try and make the thoughts go away?

I'd love to hear from you, I hope you're taking care 🙂