Dear Ariel
Welcome to the forum. So brave of you to reach out for help and support. This is a good place to talk as you are quite anonymous here. I don't have all the answers for you but I do have my experiences which help me understand what is going on for you.
It's a tough job trying to fix ourselves. It can be done but there are easier ways. You will still need to put in the effort but having someone beside you is fantastic. Can you tell us a little more about yourself? I know you are lonely and depressed and I most certainly know how that feels. My partner and me separated 19 years ago and I fell into the darkest depression, so much so I was seeing my psychiatrist twice a week.
Do you have any professional help from a psychologist/psychiatrist/counsellor? You sound in need of someone who can help you through this time. The best way to get some help is to see your GP and tell him/her your story. You can talk about the most suitable option for you.
How do you feel about medication? I was so scared of taking an antidepressant for all sorts of reasons, none of which make sense nearly 20 years down the track. This may be something your GP will suggest.
Please tell us what is happening for you. I will be looking for your posts to keep in touch.
Mary
