Just joined. Change of medication challenge

[Pozzo]

Hello. Need to off load to others who understand this illness. Frustrated by the ongoing recurring nature of depression and anxiety.

im struggling getting thru each day waiting for change of medication to reach therapeutic levels.

I wish now I'd not changed medication as I am more unwell now.

I have to consciously nip my negative thinking in the bud. I dissolve into tears at the slightest thing.

8 weeks on new meds. One week at doubled dose. Waiting waiting.

This illness has stripped my self confidence. In that viscous cycle of not being able to do things that might help me like going for a walk.

Its very hard to accept this illness. I have to work so hard not to get really hard on myself thinking I should be able to "rise above it". Remind self , if I could , I would.

I joined forum because it's very hard for others to understand this illness unless they experience it themselves. I get self conscious about talking to friends and family about how I am feeling because it is just so ongoing. 6 years now of being really unwell.

Thanks for listening.

[Zeal]

Hi Pozzo,

Welcome to the forum!

Six years of being unwell is tough. I can relate, as I have had anxiety/OCD for 10 years, since I was 13. It hasn't been severe the whole time though. If someone close to me gets sick with a virus, I get really anxious. My phobia of vomit has caused plenty of grief for me, and this ties into my OCD/fear of germs. I understand what you mean by mental illness being ongoing too.

Despite being self-conscious with talking about mental illness, do you have friends or family who are quite supportive? Also, do you live with others who you can talk to about personal things? Is your doctor who prescribes your medication helpful and supportive? I hope you don't mind all the questions. I feel that these are important things to know about.

I often recommend a website with fantastic resources (as an extra to seeing a doctor). On the webpage there are resource links for different mental health conditions, including for anxiety and depression. Here's the link: http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/consumers.cfm

It would be great to hear back from you!

Best wishes,

Zeal

[Zeal]

Hey,

I forgot to address the medication concerns you have, so sorry about that! If you are struggling with medication adjustments, always ring your doctor for advice. If you feel more unwell on this new medication, then it may not be the right type for you. Talk to your doctor about this. Keep a notebook with info on symptoms you notice and medication changes, so that you don't need to worry about forgetting something important about your treatment. My Mum did this for me when I was a child/teenager, and now that I'm in my twenties, I've started doing it myself. My Mum's organisation has clearly influenced me!

Best wishes,

Zeal

[Pozzo]

Thank you Zeal.

I do have a supportive boyfriend. I live with my daughter who's 15.

The long ongoing nature of illness is pretty wearing on family and friends Ultimately I have to help myself when and how I can No one else can fix it I'm just tired of it Add in two hip replacements in last 4 years, marriage break up and solo parenting a teenager, it's been tough

Ive talked to GP and pharmacist about meds. Seems I have another week to go until we know if it is effective. Just trying to get thru each day.

What worries me is getting to "I just don't care anymore ". Kind of giving up. That just puts me in a mind set of a rut going further and further into depression. What a viscous cycle.

Trying to use Mindfulness skills but very challenging with such anxiety and negative thinking.

Ill check out the web site.

Thanks for replying. It's reassuring to have contact.

Regards Ros

[geoff]

dear Ros, when you are told to double the dose, then you are more worried whether or not it's going to take effect, but what it does is to make you forget about such thingsas your confidence, because that's pushed away to the side, as all you're worried about is what will happen when these to you, will it be able to do, or will it make you feel better, so everything else is forgotten about.
It's impossible for you to tell yourself 'to rise above it', sure you can tell yourself to do this, but you're wasting your time, depression won't allow this to happen.
Having two hip operations means having to cope with the inconvenience, learning to walk again as I've had 3 operations on the one hip with finally getting a full hip replacement, while I was divorced, so I know and understand exactly what yu are saying.
As you have doubled for one week then they should pretty well have kicked in, however this doesn't seem to be happening which is a concern, and because of this it could be driving deeper into depression.
Depression is a curse because one day it seems to alleviate itself from us but then it returns in full force, crippling everything we want to do, I know that your doctor says wait until another week, but if nothing improves then you must go back to them and see what alternative there is that will help you, and by saying that doesn't mean 'you must rise up above it', because you are desperate. Geoff.

[Pozzo]

Thank yo Geoff. It's makes such a difference to feel understood.

Im distressed because if these meds don't work then it's back to taper off. Try again. Wait the 6 weeks. That's a long time to maintain some sanity. But it is what it is and I have to accept it.

I can't trust my thinking at the moment. At least I can realise that.

And yes my focus is so on how I feel and will it work its hard to see much else going on all consuming

Compounding the problem is a dependence on pain killers as much for chronic pain as for mood. I was treated with pain killers for a year before being diagnosed with need for hip replacement. At 48 years old I Spose it wasn't expected. Having just reached 21 years sober off alcohol it's sad to be still struggling with addiction. I know this is common with mental illness in self medicatation

However today I will put some music on, do the washing up and try some gardening. My daughter is with her dad for 5 nights so I get a break from parenting.

Thanks again for your post. This is such an isolating illness. Appreciate your contact.

regards Ros