Hi there, my name is Madeleine and I am 22 years old. I live independently with my girlfriend and I have 2 jobs and 2 cats.
Since the initial coronavirus outbreak in Australia, I had experienced mild social and panic anxiety at first, but it has eventually become so unmanageable that I can't sleep at night and I can't function normally throughout each day. In the beginning, I did not realize my symptoms were anxiety but I was so overly aware of my breathing that I had felt like I was wheezing and I was convinced that I had coronavirus. I would wake up in the night in a fright because I feared that I was going to die. The panic attacks in the beginning do not compare to how bad they feel to me now, I have feelings that I am going to have a heart attack, stop breathing, faint or die in my sleep. I feel multiple physical symptoms that are constantly cycling through as soon as I feel comfortable with the sensations that I had felt before.
I'm currently waiting to see a psychologist that my GP has referred me to, I'm just afraid of how long it will take for a reply. I fear that my body will give up if I go through this anxiety any longer.
I don't have family to talk to because they're busy with their own lives and I believe that my mum is a trigger for my anxiety. She tried to help me a couple of months ago, I saw her GP whom prescribed medication for me without talking about a mental health plan. I don't want to rely on the medication as I cannot manage the anxiety when the medication wears off and I nearly have an anxiety attack over thinking of taking the medication. I cannot talk to my girlfriend, as much as I try, we cannot understand one another and it has become a problem between us. I can't bear to wake her up in her sleep between the hours of 12:00am and early morning when I cannot sleep or having a panic attack because she becomes frustrated with me and tells me to just, 'calm down,' which is much harder said than done...
Thank you for reading my story.
