Hi everyone, I’m a 23 year old male living in Sydney, and I’ve always felt I had some sort of depressive or anxiety disorder when I was young but couldn’t put my finger on it until relatively recently.
yesterday I started my first job and worked through the entire shift with no apparent issues, but as I returned home from work I felt empty? Like I hadn’t accomplished much of anything even though I was excited to finally earn some kind of income, and as I decompressed at home I had thoughts of “thank god that’s over”, “Why am I doing this?” And the like, and while all of those thoughts of themselves are red flags, I’ve grown accustomed to these thoughts as I’ve grown up - especially from High School.
But what really grabbed my attention was that as I laid in bed, my mind kept going back to the job, worrying over situations that haven’t happened, and making reasons on why I don’t like working there. While the job I work at isn’t what I want to turn into a career, I understand that I do it to support me and those I care about. These thoughts have gotten to the point where I believe that I don’t trust myself driving to work, just in case I subconsciously do something to prevent me from going there, and these thoughts have also driven me into an almost anxiety attack-levels of distress and emotional turmoil.
Has anyone felt this way before? Is this a ‘natural’ way of showing anxiety and/or depression in some way? Because at the rate I’m going with the way my mind races, I’m more scared of my potential actions than I am about the thoughts themselves.
Kaz
