I don't know how to help myself.

[Anonymous_A]

Background: 21yo male, international uni student.

Life has been at its worst for the last couple of months, academic failure, friendship issues, loneliness, fatigue, sadness, stress are tearing me apart.

I constantly live in a state of guilt, because I feel like i havent achieved what my family expect academically. I have been focusing on now rather than looking back, but those thoughts catch up when I have nothing to focus on, getting to sleep is difficult, having a rest is near impossible.

Friendship - i have never really learnt how to make friends since primary school, survived through college but it seems to be catching up in uni, only made a few true friends throughout life, yet they are far away being also international students. I can't get into conversations with people, and even if I did they are short, hardly extending into a friendship level. Now that friendship issues come into play I feel like I am f-ed up in uni.

I haven't been able to feel as interested in life as I was, things that I loved does not interest me anymore, or rather I cannot concentrate in things I love. I have been just lying in bed, doing nothing. I get teary all the times. I don't see any vision in future, uncertainty is killing me.

[koi_pond]

Hi Anonymous_A

What you're dealing with sounds extremely heavy. As someone who felt this way during uni, it wasn't a good time and I understand what you mean. I recommend reaching out to your university mental health supports available if you can, they can guide you in the right directions and make accommodations for your mental health. You don't have to struggle or suffer in this alone. University and studying is stressful enough and not having supports can leave you feeling lost, especially without family or friends being there. 

You're so young and have your whole life ahead of you. Please, take one day at a time and be kind towards yourself. Speak to your teachers and don't be afraid to reach out for support. I found getting out for an hour or so and being in nature helped when I was at my lowest times at University. Whether it was sitting out watching city night lights or going to a park for lunch between classes. It helps to take a breather when things get too much. You've got this, I believe in you. 

[Anonymous_A]

Hi koi_pond

Thank you. I have been trying one step at a time but I am and have been too fearful of opening up to others. I took a walk to my uni's counselling service today, but I still wasn't brave enough to speak up to someone immediately.

[koi_pond]

At least you know where to find them when you're ready, that's a huge step already. Can't tell you how many times I got lost on my own campus trying to find places and people.

There's no shame in opening up and reaching out for support. Even letting someone know you're not sure where to start can often lead you to the right person to help. We're human and all need support at various times in our lives 🙂 you're doing great

[Anonymous_A]

Hi koi_pond, if you are still watching this post,

I feel lucky this weekend as I was able to met a couple peers who helped me with a group assignment. I guess I was anxious previously as I basically have no one to find as as groupmate, but I feel a bit better now that the assignment is sorted out.

Life is still tough but I think I have got one thing of the list of challanges.