I don't know how to ask for help, I feel like I am failing myself by being so sick

[ks12]

Hi,

I guess I have to start here as I have no idea how to confront my mental health, I have no self esteem and I feel like my approach to outside my home is fake it till I make it. I work, I function, That means nothing is wrong but something is wrong and I am fighting my negative frame of mind everyday? I can't pin point when I started to feel this way, I try so hard to fight my negative self doubt but it lingers and I feel like I don't know who I am... I am ashamed of the women I am, The mother I am, The partner I am, I am actually failing everyone around me. All I truely want is happiness and I can barely find glimpses of this in my day. I want to cut everyone out of my life so I can just start again but realistically that is probably my mind frame talking but as these feelings go on I see reason in every little thing why I can't have anyone in my life. To the outside world I almost appear to have it all, but inside I feel nothing, I don't appreciate this life, which is slightly scary but I don't even see it like that. I regret the life I lead it is overwheling, I worked hard for everything I have, I ticked off that list but now that list has stalled, I don't want anything at all except to be alone. This life is more a struggle then living and I question why it has become so hard.. I know I need professional help but am ashamed to admit that and ashamed to be honest that the darkness is eating me alive. I don't want to live like this but I feel like admitting I am like this will be even worse.

[Guest_9809]

Good morning ks12, and welcome to the Beyond Blue forums.

I apologise that you have had to wait so long without receiving a response. That doesnt happen often here, but occasionally over a weekend when people are away, the occasional new post does get missed.

I dont have a lot that I can offer you regarding advice, but by welcoming you I am boosting your post back up the order and hopefully someone else will spot it and give you a far better response than I could possibly give you.

For now, I assure you that you have been heard. I'm sorry life is a struggle for you right now, but I assure you that things can and will improve. You dont have to do it alone. There are many options available to help us through.

And please do not feel ashamed about admitting you are struggling right now. Mental illness does not discriminate, it affects people from all walks of life, including those who apparently 'have it all'. So, good on you for reaching out for help here. Often that is the first step in regaining control of our lives.

I would urge you to have a look at the information below in the blue section of the BB website. Start with "The Facts" and select the Depression option. In there you will find a K10 questionnaire. Complete the online survey and see what your score is. This will help you to determine if you are suffering from depression, anxiety or stress. And it is a starting point that you can then take up with your GP, who is your first port of call when dealing with these matters.

Please dont continue to do nothing about how you feel ks12, because you are suffering needlessly. Admitting you feel as you do is a good thing, because otherwise you will never do anything about it. Now you have the opportunity to take action to prevent things getting worse, and to set you on the road to a full recovery.

Take care.

Taurus

[geoff]

hello Ks12, welcome, and you're being honest in how you feel and sometimes that's very difficult especially when depression takes over, although it's quite easy to pretend to everybody that there isn't a thing wrong with you, it happens to most of us, aren't we only fooling ourselves, and yes I did it for years, but it didn't get me anywhere, simply because what was expected of me, I couldn't do.
There is no shame when you talk to your doctor and/or psychologist, the reason you visit them is because your life has changed enormously in a downward trend, going to your lowest point that you never thought ever existed, it's lower than being sad, because sadness may only last a day or so, but depression can stay with you for a very long time, and that's why you should see someone in a professional way.
It's natural that you want to be by yourself, this often happens to people with depression, because all the noise, all the work you have to do, and any communication can become too overwhelming, that's why you want to be alone.
All of this may sound to be a solution for you, but it's not, because you need to be taught on how you can cope with what triggers you, and what keeps in depression, and that's what a psychologist can help you with. Geoff.