Husband, father and Bi/Gay.

[BMan40]

Hello,

This is very new to me, to share my truth.

I'm a 40 year old husband and father.

I love my wife, my children and my life.

I have always truthfully known who I am, but have struggled to  accept who I am and share it openly.

In late 2022 I finally revealed to my wife that I was bullied when I was in high school, and the reason I was bullied was because the other boys in my grade assumed I was gay. Due to this I was called all sorts of derogatory names for a gay male. 

I shared this with my wife as I thought I'd feel a sense of relief, and I did, in a way but felt terrible due to the fact it took away a sense of trust and faith my wife had in me and our relationship. As well, I don't enjoy upsetting people, especially those closest to me.

I always wanted to be a husband and father since I could remember. My wife and I are best friends and share a great sense of humour together.

In saying this, I then have these other feelings of denial, unacceptance and depression when I realised my strong sexual attraction to certain types of men.

My natural instinct is to admire the physical attributes of other men and this puts me in two states of minds, which is very stressful.

This is my world right now and some days are better than others.

I will admit that my mental health is always at its best when I've have a proper nights sleep.

When I was younger I never thought I would be trying to accept who I really am, as I always pushed my feelings aside to please others.

I have had many ordeals in life which have given me  a real taste of reality, which is probably why I have arrived at this time in my life.

I'd love to hear from other people out there who might be in a similar situation to me, or those who have some advice.

Anyway, it's been great sharing some of my story. Thanks for listening.

BiMan

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

I'm 70yo straight man been here 13 years and read many cases where this has happened in a marriage.

Your wife has felt threatened or very uncomfortable because her marriage as she's known it could be under threat. But there's a case for becoming yourself and both these commitments tug at each other in your mind which is understandable but problematic.

If possible my strongest advice is to attend a couples counsellor. This wont only attend to these problem you have but it will include your wife on this journey indeed if it becomes one as there is another possibility that your feelings towards men are not that unusual and could be temporary or other reason. I'm not qualified to assess.

Quality sleep is usually underestimated with mental health. Below is a link to a thread that will help you, just read the first post.  I've used a cpap for 15 years and wouldnt do without it. Even one night without it has made me really sleepy and moody.

I think both of you will benefit from a counsellor no matter what to final outcome will be.

Remember- "A crisis today could be a distance memory tomorrow"

TonyWK