Hi Daisy
Progress is a quirky sort of thing for sure. If we were to map our progress in life, it would most likely look like someone traveling a landscape without a compass (a little all over the place). Therapy can definitely serve as a compass, helping us find the most direct routes in regard to where we wish to go.
I'm so glad you're starting to understand yourself, as this makes so much of a difference in the battle against mental dis-ease/unease. Seeing we identify our self (form our identity) through how we identify with external input, it's definitely important we remain aware of how we're continuing to identify throughout life. We tend to be 'feedback' creatures to a great degree when it comes to that computer in our head: How our brain processes the feedback from our environment and the people in it tends to create our 'reality'.
I'm so sorry you've experienced so much heartache and grief, as such experiences can not only present the challenge of dealing with overwhelming emotion, they can also impact our identity. 'Who am I without this person/these people in my life who have in some way helped define me? Where do I go from here?' Of course, a change of environment or career can also leave us questioning who we now are and what direction we should take in order to find a new sense of self. With each loss, we are required to reform our identity (so as to gain something). By the way, I'm yet to find anyone in this world who was taught, growing up, how to effectively re-identify through change. Pretty weird when you think about it, hey, how we're never really taught how to be our most authentic ever evolving highly productive self. You'd think that would be a part of every kid's foundation in life but no, unfortunately not. This is where therapy can be such a positive thing later in life; it tackles some of that aspect (reformation and self-understanding).
As far as disappointment goes, seeing our self as and overall disappointment is of course unhealthy. I have found it's much better to dis-appoint myself from a role or roles where the expectations are high and unrealistic. We are given and take on so many appointments in life which do get in the way of us finding our true self. I have officially dis-appointed or unappointed myself from the role of 'perfect', something which I advise everyone to do. When dis-appointment becomes a conscious and productive process, it can become quite a liberating experience.
Take care Daisy
