First post and frightened. I hope I do it right

[Sueetties]

Hello

this is my first post. As I promised my psychologist, I would sign up at beyond blue and start a new post. So I am making it now. Yet I feel nervous and frightened here.

It seems to be really big place and lots of people joining. I am new to any kind of forum like this and I have been “friend” for a little while with something nasty known as depression + anxiety. So my psychologist wants me to dive in and join the discussion here as a part of my recovery. I need to make at least 5 posts before I see her in 3 weeks! So here I am my first post. I hope I do it right.

thank you very much for reading

[Summer Rose]

Hi Sueetties

Congrats on your third post.

I think there are many reasons a person may choose to keep their mental health condition private. For example, fear of judgement, not wanting to worry others, not wanting to talk about it all the time, fear of a negative reaction, etc.

You don't have to tell anyone if you don't want to or you're just not ready to deal with it. Having said that, no one can help you if they don't know what's going on.

My daughter was 13 when she fell ill with OCD and anxiety. She would not have reached recovery without family love and care. It was hard for her to tell everyone, particularly her older brother, but by letting us all in she got vital support.

Before my daughter fell ill we never talked about mental health in our family. Now it's an open, daily conversation. We have greater undetstanding and empathy for each other and we lean on each other when things are tough. We all benefit from talking things through.

Every family is different but it's something to think about. Maybe you could test the waters by confiding in one family member and see how it goes. Just a thought.

[White_Rose]

Hello Sueetties

You are getting ahead in leaps and bounds. Many congratulations for reading other posts and realising many others share your difficulties.

Denial is a place I have been in so many times. For me it has always been fear of admitting I am not perfect. Yes I know I am part of the human race and none of us is perfect so it sounds silly to hide when I am just like everyone else. Maybe it's because I did not want to admit yet another imperfection. These days I am more upfront but I do understand how hard it is to admit, even to ourselves, that we have an illness. And that's what it is, an illness.

My last GP who I absolutely believe is wonderful was also very tough when it was necessary. However I also knew she wanted me to get well and was helping me as much as I would allow. I still see her for my mental health stuff and she still gets tough at times. It's their job.

One aspect of keeping this information to yourself is missing out on support as Summer Rose has already said. It's more than getting support though. It's the way our minds process all the information and constantly think about it. This is where we tend to exaggerate its effect, imagine the response we will get from others no matter how much they love us, feel like the worst person for becoming unwell, and generally beating ourselves up.

Once we can actually say these words our thinking changes. When we talk we keep to the subject in general but in our minds we include all sorts feelings and incidents and these magnify the situation talking doom and gloom. May I suggest you keep a journal? Write whatever you think and feel but once the day's entry has been made do not go back to read or to change. You can go back to read after a month or two and I think you will be surprised. So make it a daily habit to put down your feelings, comments from other, what your GP and psychologist say. In fact everything that is happening.

You can choose to share it with your psych or GP if you wish but it is meant for you only. Get a notebook and write in that. Keeping a record on the computer makes it too easy to delete or change. It will give you a perspective of the past and hopefully show how much you are healing.

Are you meeting with your psych soon? Hope it goes well.

Mary

[Rose_3]

Hi Sueetties,

Well done on posting! It is great that you had the courage to do this. I am new to Beyond Blue too and I am so amazed at how friendly and kind everyone is.

I wish you all the best! Good luck for your future posts!

[Sueetties]

Thanks everyone for the thoughtful responses and advice. This will mark my 5th post. I have written one in other thread. I feel so motivated this week.

Summer Rose:-

I try to be honest to myself and yes it’s the self critic within my head which stops me from getting supports from others. The fear of getting negative reactions maybe the culprit

White Rose:-

i will definitely get a notebook and start writing my journal. I am well aware that it’s unrealistic if I just keep it myself. I am also practising mindfulness and breathing exercises daily

Rose 3:

thanks for your reply. I hope you feel welcome to the forum too. I found that reading other posts is helpful too. Have a great day.

[quirkywords]

Suettie,

Well done for making 5 posts.

I also find it whimsical that you managed to get three roses to reply in a row.

Is that a first for BB?

A journal is a great idea and don't pressure yourself to write every day, just when you want to and you will probably find you want to write very frequently.

There are threads like 3 things to be grateful for etc which you can uses if you feel stuck about how to start or one day you don't know what to write.

Mindfulness is useful and there is a thread called What is mindfulness where people write about how they may struggle with it or what works for them.

Take care

Quirky

[Summer Rose]

Hi again

You reached your original goal, congrats.

I understand the fear of negative reactions. I reckon there are three types of people in this world with regards to mental health: those that get it, those that want to get it and those that will never get it.

When my daughter chose to disclose her mental health condition to various family members and friends I supported her. She didn't always get the reaction she needed. She chose to focus on the kind, loving, supportive people she did have in this world and, if necessary, help them to understand OCD and not dwell on the others.

[Sarah_Leslie]

Nicely done, Sueetie. Your post and the replies are lovely. I only just now joined and it was nice to sign on and see this thread. Looking forward to being and contributing to this community.

[Rose_3]

Hi Sueetties,

Congratulations on reaching your posting goal! Well done, that is fantastic! You can be very proud of yourself for being so courageous!

On the topic of writing a journal, I have been writing a diary/journal on and off for years and have only recently managed to keep up with more regular entries. It is a great idea! I find it very helpful to organise my thoughts and I can doodle and decorate the pages however I want without any pressure. And I love notebooks, I literally have more than 20, maybe 30... maybe more...

So any excuse for a nice notebook and set of pens (oh I love pens too!) has got to be good for you. I hope keeping a journal helps you, and do not feel pressured to write in it everyday, it takes time (for me years) for it to become a part of your daily routine. And remember to try and have fun with it! It can be anyway you wish it to be.

All the best, Rose

[White_Rose]

Hello Sarah

A very warm welcome to the forum. Glad you joined up. As Sueetties has said, there are many people with similar difficulties which you may want to write to or perhaps start your own thread, or both.

I look forward to meeting you on other threads.

Mary

[White_Rose]

Hello Sueetties

Good to hear from you.Great that you are going to start writing in your journal. When I was writing I just poured out everything that was going on. I did not even have the idea of showing it to anyone but as time went on I did show selected bits to the psychiatrist. The biggest plus was in looking back after a while and seeing how far I had come.

Some of the entries that seemed so important at the time I had not remembered until I re-read my entries. Quite a surprise. I also discovered that some the hurtful memories had faded over time and the fears and anger I had described had largely gone. A bit like looking at old photos and seeing your self as a child or teenager and giggling at the changes. Journals can be so helpful.

Congratulations on reaching your goal. Have you talked to your psychologist about your accomplishment yet? I hope she is suitably impressed as much as the people on BB. Well done. Don't go away and leave us. I think you are comfortable here and we are always handy to respond and chat.

Mindfulness and breathing exercises, terrific. While I meditate I draw the line at exercise. (If I had the skills I would post a smiley face). I am supposed to go for walks three times per week but I can always find excuses. This is not something I can choose to do or not. I really need to get a little more fit. Tomorrow!

Mary