Feeling worthless

[tildey]

I'm new here so please bear with me. I am a middle aged married father of two girls 11 and 14. I have been a diabetic since I was 3 ( over 45 years ) and have in the last ten years or so had some issues caused by the diabetes including losing the sight in one eye.
I also am now overweight and have a really bad back and a knee that will need replacing within 5 years.

I love my wife and I think she used to really love me but I'm not sure if that is still the case. We basically have no sex life and this is really affecting my feelings of self worth. I am self conscious and I believe that this is why my wife no longer wants anything to do with me sexually. She says its not and that it was enjoyable for her but I can't help thinking that she is just saying that. If you enjoy something wouldn't you want to do it more than once or twice a year. She often complains about my weight also which I cant do much about due to my injuries, medication and the fact that insulin is a growth hormone that I have been injecting into my guts for more than 45 years. It doesn't help me knowing personal details about her relationship with her ex husband and even though she knew she was leaving him and wanted to be with me she went back for 1 more which resulted in a pregnancy which was aborted.

I just feel so worthless and it is becoming worse every day and I don't know how to fix it.

[Croix]

Dear Tildey~

You have had to live with a horrible condition for a very long time and it takes its toll, both physically and mentally. My late wife had diabetes too, and had eyesight and circulatory problems as a result. She also had other problems, so I cannot say if some of her other symptoms were caused by the diabetes and its treatment or not.

I can say that love does not disappear because a sex life is not ideal. I would imagine if your wife is stretching the truth about such matters it most probably is because she cares and does not wish to distress you. Concern may even be the motive for commenting on your weight.

I can only speak from my own knowledge, which is that there are may things people look for in a partner, and they are such basic attributes as love, care, honesty, reliability, strength in adversity and so on. I'm sure you'd know as well as me what they are.

From the fact your wife make a mistake early on and you have continued to love her makes me suspect you have the qualities just mentioned.

Feeling worthless can be a response to circumstances and most often is completely unwarranted. If the feeling keeps going over an extended time I think it can become a self-perpetuating illness. Can I suggest you see your GP about this and say exactly how you have been feeling? It may be somewhat difficult or embarrassing to do so but will be a burden shared.

Professional advice and maybe treatment may be of benefit on two fronts. Firstly to help you cope with the very real difficulties you face without blaming yourself as you have been, and secondly may even be of use in relation to sexual activity.

I do hope you feel comfortable enough to keep talking here

Croix

[Mischiefthecat16]

My husband and I of 13 years have a non existent sex life because of my mental illness but it doesn't affect our relationship we still love one another and find talking things through to be of most use to us. Sex doesn't have to be a part of marriage if love is there. Sexual desire diminishes with age too. I have no desire for it probably due to side effects of medication that I take. Your wife is just making excuses I think. You should talk your feelings through with her.