I have posted before about my GP saying No to prescribing daytime meds for anxiety.(which can spiral into panic attacks) She does give me sleepers which I make last a long time and don't abuse. ( I don't want anti depressants as I am not depressed! I have also seen the horrible effects of trying to go off them....and going through bad times trying to find "the right one".....No way will I take anti depressants!!! )
I used to use alcohol for the anxiety over many years but left me with severe health problems which means I cannot drink...have been off grog for over 3 years. I have begun "dipping into" my sleeper meds....just biting off a sliver really (doesn't that sound desperate) on some days.....when I feel really stressed, shaky or consumed with fear....e.g. during the afternoon, early evening etc....(then usually take my usual amt when ready for sleep later).
My GP is not aware I have begun doing this. It's a better alternative than alcohol which means a death sentence if I start again..
my question is this: I find myself now feeling emotional and mental relief that the meds are there...during the day..if I need them....and tending to reach for a tiny piece of one on more frequent days......am I headed for trouble here? I feel frustrated that GPs don't take into account, that grog is so readily available to me....i could easily go back to having a bottle or cask in the cupboard or fridge and slowly kill myself.....but a daytime med is still denied me.
Is it OK if I continue to take my "tiny sliver" on really bad days......It really helps...it helps me function capably without falling apart and collapsing with panic on my bedroom floor! Which is the greater evil? Would welcome your thoughts.....thanks....Moonstruck
