Difficulties Understanding Treatment

[P12]

Counsellors and psychologists to whom I have spoken have told me to identify my long term goals and strive for their achievement. But my attempts have been unsuccessful because I lack the practical skills for achievement and that has caused me greater dissatisfaction than before I attempted to achieve the goals. What is the reason for this strategy and why are counsellors and psychologists unwilling or unable to give me practical advice?

I identified the technical topic most interesting to me, looked for collaborators, and asked for support to pursue my interest. I found only two people in Australia with similar interests and believe they are unwilling to collaborate with me because by discrediting me their circumstances will improve. The feedback I received about my requests for support is that the topic is not relevant to society. Instead I am expected to perform a job for which I am imperfect and therefore I am excluded because my processes and ideas are different to the industry. Is it true that society's objective is for greater normality and what is the reason for such a strange aspiration? Why does society reject people who are different? Why does society not allow me to pursue my individual interests and talents? What is the purpose of living if society has no use for my talents and the role that society would have me fulfil causes me trauma?

I was told that independence will not cause me long term satisfaction. Yet, as I have tried unsuccessfully for more than ten years to form a friendship, I question this assertion. The prevailing strategy suggested to me for gaining friends is to participate in activities I enjoy as there I am most likely to meet others with similar interests and beliefs. What is the purpose of living if society directs me to one outcome but it cannot provide the means to achieve that outcome? Surely independence is a far more effective solution.

I'm pretty sure I am lonely. I would like to have a friendship or at least feel welcome in society. But my efforts never seem to work. People make suggestions but I must be special because they don't work for me. The harder I try, the more independent I become, because my methods appear stranger to others, and the less liked I become. I really don't understand the society in which I live. I wish I wasn't so sad.

I often cry uncontrollably and am unable to sleep when I realise I will not achieve my desires and there is nothing I can do about it. My life is apparently meaningless.

[Summer Rose]

Hi P12

I don’t feel obligated to respond, I like talking with you. But I am having technical difficulties too.

I don’t get notifications when people post on a thread I’m participating on. So, I never know when you’ve posted.

I was using my profile page to check for activity but for some reason this thread has dropped off the page and I don’t know how to get it back.

So, I have to be lucky and spot you on All Discussions.

 I don’t know about you, but I have had many issues following the upgrade that make it hard for me to participate here. I’m sorry that I have let you down.

Kind thoughts to you 

[P12]

I cried again today because I am sad and disappointed by my general situation.

I feel I cannot attend more events than I currently am unless I were to reduce the number of days I worked.

I really don't know how to increase my effectiveness in interacting with other people. I have used all the strategies I have described in this thread. I can't say I have made much progress during the time I have consulted my practitioner over the past three years.

[Summer Rose]

Hi P12

I’m really sorry that you’re feeling sad. I think it’s important to give yourself time to work through your feelings. 
You’ve been trying to do something that is really hard for you. That takes an enormous amount of courage and you should be proud of your tenacity.

You should also be proud of your incredible ability to keep an open mind and willingness to try different strategies. 
I know it’s frustrating to have not yet found the solution, but I’m betting you have learned a lot that can help you move forward.

You know what has worked. Visiting your grandmother is a positive. Posting on the forum is hopefully a positive. Hopefully you are also enjoying your new plant.

You also know what hasn’t helped and maybe it’s worth considering why. Are the strategies failing you? Is there an external element at play? For example, one thing that comes to mind is that your efforts have taken place against the backdrop of the pandemic—a time when all social interactions have been subdued and challenged. Is there a way to modify your favoured approach to better reflect your uniqueness? Have you made mistakes? We all make mistakes and it doesn’t matter because that’s how we learn.

The outcomes of your assessment should help you move forward.
Lastly, I want you to know that loneliness is an epidemic in this country. You are not alone with this challenge. I know there are a number of community based initiatives working to combat loneliness. Have you considered researching your local community houses, neighbourhood houses or specialty groups (e.g Men’s Shed) to see what they can offer? Just a thought.

Kind thoughts to you

[P12]

Thanks for your support and suggestions, Summer Rose. I will share an update about my recent progress shortly in case you are interested.

[Summer Rose]

Hi P12

Yes, I am interested. I wish you all the best as you move forward and always think of you fondly. Whenever you are ready I will be here.

Kind thoughts to you

[P12]

Here is a record of my most recent meeting with my psychologist.

• My psychologist seemed to acknowledge that I am depressed and lonely and that this is a concern. My depression score was the highest it has been over our meetings in the past 3 1/2 years. Overall I am a bit despaired because neither the sustained effort I am applying nor a lack of effort seems to be having effect, although I have developed extraordinary cognitive techniques to overcome my distress.

• Due to my concerns about our past meeting, I tried to direct this one to understanding why I am an outsider and to understanding the principles of psychotherapy.

• It seemed to me that psychotherapy's purpose is to normalise me into society. My psychologist contended that I don't need to think of myself as an outsider that needs normalising, but I can think like this if I want to. Apparently the greater purpose is to develop a combination of strength eliciting and weakness improvement.

• Many people who are different have popular lives and don't focus on their differences. It is partly luck and partly society's error that it values many people more than me, but it is also a cognitive exercise for me to overcome.

[P12]

• The psychological episodes I experience are due to my brain being extraordinarily intelligent. Partly it is making me aware of objections to my desires, partly I shouldn't place too much focus on why the episodes have occurred.
• I tried to correct a discussion from our past meeting by stating that I do experience social anxiety. My psychologist advised me that 90% of the population will at least give me a chance to engage in conversation without being malicious. I should avoid the remaining people when I can. When I can't (e.g. in work environments), that is simply the cost of making money for basic living expenses.
• My psychologist recommended using greater analytical skills to determine other people's motivations and personality and that doing so will lead to connection naturally occurring. However, I am still unsure how to progress from understanding another to forming a connection with them. Of the people I have analysed, either I can find no benefit from spending time with them or if I can those people apparently do not wish to spend time with me.

Overall I feel I don't have a particularly strong connection with my psychologist. While I can listen and implement his instructions, it does feel as though it I am unconvinced by the process and my thoughts and behaviours are unchanged.

[Summer Rose]

Hi P12

A really good summary but a lot to take in. How do you feel about it?

One thing that really stands out to me is the role your high intelligence plays in all this, according to your psychologist. I agree that you think about things a lot.

From our conversations it’s clear that you have a “big brain” and think on a different level to me a lot of the time. This is a positive because you always make me think. But I can see how this could be challenging to you, as opposed to being “blissfully unaware”.

I’m not sure it’s helpful to think of yourself as an outsider who needs normalising. I think of you as an interesting individual looking for his tribe, if that helps.

Totally agree that there are people who it’s best to avoid. Please know that that strategy is not unique to you—we all do it.

I have my boundaries and stick to them to protect my mental health and feelings. At work it’s harder, particularly when dealing with a more senior person. I just put up a “wall” so nothing they say or do gets close to my heart and I keep it short and strictly professional.

Unfortunately, I have to go now but will come back soon.

Kind thoughts to you

[Summer Rose]

Hi P12

You wrote, However, I am still unsure how to progress from understanding another to forming a connection with them.

Maybe I can help to explain this. When I have learned things about a person I have often used this information to form a connection.

For example, a lady from work once mentioned that she was trying to lose weight and so was I.  I suggested we start walking at lunch time. Talking while walking we discovered we both preferred walking in gardens (as opposed to the city). This lead to a planned walk at the botanical gardens and lunch. It was the start of a friendship.

I once had a boss who was always stressed, late for work and absent a lot. I was constantly asked to cover for her. She let her guard down one day and confided her son had schizophrenia. My annoyance immediately turned to empathy. I went on to another role in the same company and years later my daughter was diagnosed with OCD. I was shattered and alone. I called my old boss. She has been my best friend for the past decade.

My neighbour a few doors down is in her 90s. We didn’t have a relationship for years, just an occasional wave. Then her husband died and I heard through another neighbour. I started taking meals over to her. After a few visits she invited me in for coffee. One of her passions is reading. We started trading books and soon had a lot to talk about.

I hope this helps.

Kind thoughts to you 

[P12]

Hi Summer Rose,

I would like to thank you for your kind and thoughtful feedback and suggestions during the year. Using this forum to help me achieve self-actualisation is something that I find rewarding. Your feedback has helped me. I wish you a blessed Christmas and New Year.

I think you are correct in agreeing that analysis of other people may lead one to form a connection with others. I have noticed, in small amounts, occasions where I have recognised that I understand another person. The difference I feel afterwards has helped me both relieve distress at not knowing how to interact with the other person, and to feel inspired by understanding their traits, positive and negative, and how I may use them to improve my life. Though I still can't definitely say it has made others want to spend time with me, in a telepathic way I can imagine the other person interacting with me. I think it also means I simply need to use more analysis to determine how to convince others to directly interact with me.

Do you mean that my brain working different to most people will naturally make it difficult for me to interact with most people?

Yours faithfully.

P12