My sister is 26 but acts 12

[Guest_15637445]

My 26 yo sister still lives at home, has had 3 jobs total, all that have lasted only a month each before being let go due to lack of interest, and is extremely rude. She doesn’t do any house work or chores. If you speak to her, she is quick to snap and blame. 

For our whole lives, we have never been close despite being only 19 months apart and this didn’t bother me because she’s into different things and, well, she’s rude but recently she has started to display behaviour that makes me think she’s actually unwell and maybe even didn’t develop Cognitively. 

She has started to refuse to talk to any family besides my mum and myself (and barely even us) and she pulled out most of her eyebrows. She’s also skin and bone (I think 45kg and 5’3) and is on a diet which is crazy that she thinks she needs to be. 

When I saw her eyebrows, it’s like something clicked and I realised she is crying for help and has no way of getting it.  I don’t live there but I’ve tried to message and she blows me off, even just to hang out. If I do go there, she won’t come out from her room and say hello. When I gave her her birthday gift last month, I went into her room with my partner and she took the gift, said “okay” and showed us the door. She has no manners but she did when we was a kid. She’s actually getting more child like as she gets older. 

My family have no money to get her help and she doesn’t work. My dad is worried she’s depressed and suicidal. 

How do you help someone who doesn’t want to have a real conversation with anyone and with no money. I feel trapped and I can’t imagine how she feels.

[Croix]

Dear New Member~

Thank you for coming here to the Support Forum as it sounds as if your sister is not in a good state and you and oyur parents are right to be worried about her.

When somebody is rude or uncooperative it can be easy to overlook the fact it may have an underlying cause. Such weight loss may be a symptom, as is pulling out hair, it can indicate people may have an eating distorter, something that can be very dangerous.

While I realise she may not be cooperative if you can get her to talk with the Butterfly Foundation  by phone, chat or email. They are experts in this field. In fact you may wish to contact them on your own behalf to receive advice on what's best to do.

I would also suggest your sister has a complete physical to see how her body is reacting  to the weight loss.

This is not an easy situation and you are welcome here anytime

Croix

[Summer Rose]

Hello and welcome to the forum

Thank you for sharing your story with us. I could feel your concern for your sister in your words and feel she is very lucky to have you. Not a lot of people recognise the signs of mental illness and it’s the most important first step, so well done.

I have cared for a family member who experiences anxiety and OCD for more than a decade. I can tell you that it’s not easy, and encouraging someone to engage with professional help who is not ready can be challenging.

You can’t force engagement, you can only encourage and persuade. It’s important to remember that your sister is likely experiencing a range of emotions, which may include fear, shame, anxiety and disappointment.

I think it’s important for the family to gently let your sister know that you are concerned about her and explain why. Encouraging her to look into the services of the Butterfly Foundation, as Croix suggested, is a great idea. You may have to persist and be prepared to have this conversation several times.
If you and/or mum and dad have a read of material on the Butterfly or Beyond Blue websites you can pick up some tips on how to have this conversation.

Given your sister’s low weight and current diet, I think it would be prudent to try and get her to see her GP or even pop in to an Urgent Health Care Clinic (I suggest this because they bulk bill), as there can be quite serious physical health consequences associated with such low weight.

A good GP can also assist with the required mental health conversation.

Happy to chat for as long as it helps you.

Kind thoughts to you