Helping a Partner cope with placement

[19Maddy94]

Hi all,

I am new to beyond blue, but have been helping my partner cope with depression and anxiety since high school. We’ve been together 7 years and have faced some difficult times.

My partner is currently studying to be a nurse and was supposed to start placement this morning for his RN’s, he has previously been on placement when he did his EN’s with just a bit of difficulty to begin with but once settled into a routine he excelled and loved the work. This morning he had a major panic attack, I couldn’t get him out of bed and he ended up asking me to call his facilitator and advise her of the circumstances and that he would not be able to attend today.

He already sees a psych occasionally (and I will try and get him in to see him today) but I need advice on what I can do to make the transition easier for him. He says he hates himself for not being able to do things or provide for me (as I work full time and provide for us both). I just don’t want this to escalate to him not doing any of his placement as he is already behind on his classes.

I love him and have tried to be as supportive as possible, putting our future on hold so he could study something he loved. I just don’t know what to do.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi 19Maddy94,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for reaching out and being here. A big credit to you for wanting to help your partner and being so supportive with his anxiety.

I think the best thing that you can do and that you've done is to try and get him back into see a psych. This is really the best option since they can work with his anxiety individually and give him lots of tools in working around it. It sounds like he is quite motivated to change.

Can you tell me what happens when he has a panic attack? How do you both cope in that moment? Little things like working through breathing techniques can be incredibly powerful or types of affirmations "take a deep breath in with me", "it's okay" and "you're safe" might be helpful to hear.

I think the other thing that might be important is to talk about the placement. I imagine the worst case scenario might be that he has a panic attack at work, but if that were to happen - it would be totally okay. Nurses are all too familiar with panic attacks, and being a placement; they can give him that extra support and try and accommodate his needs where possible. If he is able to talk to the placement coordinator it could make a big step in knowing that he's safe and supported should anything happen.

The last bit of advice I can really give is to talk to him. Everyone is a little bit different in how they experience anxiety. Asking questions about 'how can I help?' 'what do you need me to do in those moments?' might be helpful.

Hope this helps,

[19Maddy94]

Thank you, romantic_thi3f

Unfortunately his way of coping is by shutting down and trying to ignore the issue. I tried asking what I can do and he just shakes his head. Now that the attack is over he is thinking more clearly but isn’t ready to talk about it. We’ll be calling his facilitator later on today to explain a little better and to encourage him in seeking support if he does need it while on placement.

Thank you for reaching out, your tips truly are helpful!