Depressed Partners and PTSD

[Rach]

Hi all im a newbie to the site 🙂 I thought ild start off by introducing myself. Ive been struggling with depression for 15 years, i had my first case of it when I was 12. Nobody realised i had it at that age and when i tried to end my own life they all thought it was a mistake. Ive been on and off meds for awhile now and last year i was finally diagnosed with PTSD. Having a diagnosis made me somehow feel whole, i dont know how to describe it but i finally felt like someone could 'fix' me by actually knowing what was wrong and what caused these problems for the majority of my life. This time last year I was a total wreck and I didnt want to live. I was seeing a psychologist weekly and paying a fortune (seriously i think medicare needs to provide more sessions) but eventually i got through those dark times.. With the help of my psychologist i realised that unfortunately PTSD is something that i must live with every day, it wont ever go away and the things of my past wont either but i have found ways to cope. I recently left my job as a full time pharmacist and decided to give myself a break because all my energy was being spent on my patients rather than getting myself better.. Since then im now off my medication its only been 2 weeks and some days are better then others but im getting there 🙂

The last few days have been pretty bad in my household, as i said above ive just left my job which was night shift work so i havent spent much time with my partner. But now that i am home i have noticed a massive shift in his mood, he speaks in monotone, always playing his computer, he cant even hold a conversation with me and there has been no physical intimacy for over a month. It has been bringing me down as im starting to feel like im not deserving of attention no matter how hard i try.

Tonight he went to bed without me, I walked into the bedroom and asked him straightforward if he still loves me. He told me hes depressed and started to cry.. I feel so helpless and I dont know what I can do to help him, he was there for me at my worst but now I dont know how to help him. Im so scared that I am going to have to be the strong one, and feel like im barely holding on but I have to be there for him. He refuses to talk to a doctor and told me he didnt believe in psychologists or counseling even though he knows how much it helped me. 

So my question is to everyone, how do I help him? I tell him I love him every day and go out of my way to try to make him happy but i dont know what else to do 😞 

[bman42]

Hi Rach

It must be hard for you to see the one you love go through this while battling your own problems

It is very hard for men to admit this to anyone because of what society expects us to be so for him to admit this to you is a start, In the end I spose it is really up to him to get help but letting him know you are there for him and supporting him i'm sure wont hurt. Maybe you could get him to read through some of the posts on this site, I know this helped me.

I wish I could be more help Rach but keep on posting here on how things are going as others may have more advice for you.

AND MAKE SURE YOU KEEP LOOKING AFTER YOURSELF

Take care

Bman

[S_A_D_]

Join him in the computer games. Bond with him over that.

Saying you love him isn't enough. He needs to see you acting and behaving like someone that loves him. One way you could do this is to accept him and embrace him in his moment of weakness, metaphorically speaking. He has latched onto the game for support, and you need to show that this attachment to the game is OK with you by joining him in the game. This electronic environment will provide a strong common ground between the two of you, allowing you to lean on each other, and the game, for support.

Make sure you let him teach you to play, and make sure to remind him that you will make mistakes as you learn. Start to walk away from the game regularly to do household maintenance stuff, and tell him why you're going. If he doesn't stop you, walk away, then return some time later. If he asks you to stay (and may plead you), then stay with him (unless you need to use the toilet, or can't keep your eyes open any longer, or something). If he begs you to stay and play, whatever it is that you think you need to do can wait. He is more important.

Frequently tell him how good he is at the game, and how you want to learn it. Give him compliments and encouragement through his game character for a long time, to raise his confidence, and compliment him on anything else you can think of. Ask him to compliment and encourage you. Be a force and a source of good feelings, and they will be returned to you (with some delay and reduced impact). The more you give the more you will receive.