When Life Seems Too Hard

[Angie2480]

Hello

Wow, I can't believe I'm here.  I'm not sure where to start but enough to say I need help. I've been having thoughts of just "going away" from my life, my responsibilities and my everything.  I have a loving husband, and two grown children but I just don't think I'm enough. In the last 18 months, I've lost my 24-year-old niece, my father, my dog and my business.  My mother has disowned me after I called her out on her narcissistic behaviour after the loss of my niece.  I have worked so hard over the last 30+ years and all I have to show is loss.  I don't want to leave my family but wouldn't it be easier to just go?

I trust you all and your advice.  Angie.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Angie2480,

We’re really glad you could come to the forum to share this with our online family, and we want to welcome you as one of us now. We know it isn’t easy to share something like this, but we think it’s a powerful step and we really appreciate your openness and bravery in sharing with us today.

We're also really sorry to hear what you've been going through. It sounds like it's been a very sad, difficult, overwhelming and emotional time for you and we want to extend our care.

We’ve reached out to you privately to make sure you’re ok (please check your email inbox). If you want to reach out to our counsellors to talk this through, you can call us on 1300 22 4636, or you can reach us via online chat here. There’s also our friends over at the Suicide Call Back service on 1300 659 467, or Lifeline on 13 11 14. We all want to be here for you, please give us the chance.

We’d also really like to recommend having a look at our Beyond Blue suicide safety planning app. You can read about how it works and where to download it here. You can even call Lifeline and complete it with one of their counsellors over the phone if you'd like. 

It's really important to reach out and get support when all you can see is darkness and despair... we're here for you and you're not alone.

Also, if you have a GP with whom you feel comfortable sharing how you're feeling, maybe now is the time to let them know what's going on for you and to start getting some regular professional support if you haven't managed to link in with some already? 

Please continue to keep sharing your journey on our forums. Many forum members may have experience with some of the challenges you mention and we think you will find great value in all of their kind and supportive responses.

Kind regards,

Sophie M
 

[Angie2480]

Thanks Sophie. I'm not sure that I'm ok. I'm not sure I can talk over the phone either without cryint. I'm not even sure I can trust myself to not self-harm tonight.  I am a normal, middle income, middle aged woman.

[Junior1962]

Hi Angie
Wow, you’ve experienced a lot of losses in a short period of time. I’m not surprised you’re finding it so overwhelming. Multiple loss is layered as we don’t have time to deal with one before the next comes along. 
Having done grief counselling, I want to encourage you to take up the offers of support from people here at Beyond Blue or to seek out a grief counsellor. Another option is Griefline. I used to volunteer there. It’s an anonymous Helpline. 
Your life is precious. You are loved, wanted and needed. You just need to take some time for yourself. 

[Croix]

Dear Angie2480~

I’m glad you came to the Support Forum. The only reason it exists is support, and the only people on it have had some very hard experiences to face and so understand

Anybody, a person like yourself, who has come half way though their life and faces so much so quickly, your niece, your father, your dog and your business together with perhaps really seeing your mother as she is, is being dealt emotional shock after emotional shock. Yes I include your dog because I know it can hurt as much as anything

When you think about it perhaps it is not reasonable to expect anyone - including yourself - to be able to handle all this. I thought I could handle a whole raft somewhat similar problems (surprisingly also including being disinherited by narcissistic parents) but could not

I too thought and acted on the idea that I'd nothing left and why not simply let it all go away 

Although I did not realize it at the time what I needed was support by those that understood, took the time to go through things with me, and give me a spark of hope by example and kindness

I've been incoherent when talking to another due to crying so hard, not been able to explain properly or in full, and generally thought I'd made a complete mess of talking. I was wrong. Those with experience will accept this, look though it and allow you time and practice to get things out

Self harm does several things, true it can be an action you can take, but it is destructive and dangerous - no, I'm not going to go into it or belabour the point, just reminding you

There are better ways, more effective, longer lasting - even permanent, and surprisingly comforting.  They all start (like that longest journey starts with a single step) with talking with someone. Yes that is incredibly hard, but gets easier quickly. When I finally did it made a huge difference, I was not alone and had a guide. So please get in touch with one of the places Sophie_M talked about -even replying to her email is a start

 You did mention one thing I liked a lot - having a loving husband. My wife loves too, understands and is more support you or anyone would believe. Have you taken your husband into your confidence? Do you think he would try to understand and try to help?

 I do hope you come back and talk some more.

 Croix