Not good enough

[misties]

Here goes, not sure where to start.

I am 69yo been married to the most amazing man for 16years but I am jealous when he looks at other women.

I feel I am old wrinkled and not trim taut and terrific anymore, he does not understand these feelings as he tells me all the time I am gorgeous.

I have also told him that I do not mind him looking at other girls and I even point them out to him but the other day we saw two gorgeous young girls and I swear he was drooling and he muttered under his breath nice.

I was so upset that I got angry he didnt understand what he had done wrong, and I cried for two days.

I now find myself covering up I dont want him to see my ugly body.

When I get like this I think of killing myself so that I can free him, I feel that maybe I have trapped him somehow...

Sorry if I am rambling a bit. thanks for listening

[Sophie_M]

Dear misites

We are so sorry that you are feeling this way, it sounds like there is a lot going on for you right now. We know that relationships are incredibly difficult and from what you have said this seems to be causing you a lot of distress. 

If you ever feel unsafe, it is important that you call 000 straight away as this can be an emergency. 

Thank you for sharing your post with us today, you never know who will read your post and feel less alone in their own experience. 

We are concerned that these thoughts are becoming really difficult and want you to know that we are here for you. You can call us anytime on 1300 22 4636, or you can call our friends at Lifeline on 13 11 14. Either way, you will be able to speak to an expert who can support you in managing and expressing these feelings. 

Thank you again for sharing your thoughts with us today, we know that can be hard to do.

Kind regards, 
Sophie M

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear mistie,

I am really sorry this is happening to you...

Youre husband thinks you’re gorgeous...as he keeps telling you...that would be something that I’m sure he means when he says that to you..and he seems so caring towards you..

Yes, it would hurt in a way I think, when he looks ar other girls...by you pointing them out..it might be giving him the feeling that you approve of this....

Lovely mistie, maybe if you could talk to him about how when he does look at other women, how it is making you feel insecure with yourself....and about the unhealthy thoughts you are having....

It sounds like your husband, finds you gorgeous, loves and cares for you very much....and doesn’t know how you’re feeling about him looking at other women...,Please Lovely mistie, l am sure if he knew how it’s effecting you,,,he would care enough to talk it out with you...

My kindest thoughts with my care..

Grandy..

[misties]

My bad, I dont mind when he looks.. It is sometimes just the comments he makes.

It was his idea that I come on her to chat about this as he says I am a mere male and dont get it.

Sometimes I just think he would be much happier without me .

My head gets so full of me thinking when we have sex he is thinking about all the porn he watches, and it hurts.

I hate my body I hate being old and wrinkled..

[Ggrand]

Hello mistie,

My husband...(passed away 8 years)....used to watch porn, addicted to it.,,,,sometimes for all his waking hours....and made me watch it as well....I hated everything about it and I still do....I am now 66 next month...He used to put me down always with his comments...and I felt always not good enough...

I can now understand better now, how you are feeling and I’m deeply sorry that this is happening to you...

I tried to set boundaries but very unsuccessfully...I just don’t think that partners/husbands/bf etc really understand the damage these things can do to us....and it’s really very sad...

They could be indeed the most caring, loving husband/partner/bf towards their chosen wife/ partner/gf....yet for some reason need something else....honestly I don’t understand why they do that..When they know how much hurt it can cause their other half...

Please Sweet mistie, try hard to not hate your body....It’s hard getting old, to see our body age.....but it’s something that I am grateful for......many don’t have the chance to grow old......Embrace yourself.....You are not only your body....but most importantly you are what’s inside of you...your soul and your heart...

Im sorry if I’ve said anything wrong...It’s a subject that can at time trigger back memories....

My kindest thoughts dear mistie...

Grandy....

[misties]

I am so sorry that you went through that and no you did not say anything wrong.

Its a bit different for me, I know he watches he does not make me watch and sometimes i do watch them because I want too.

I was just upset because it was, in my interpretation about the comment he made re the girls.

We have spoken about it and he is the most understanding man I have ever met.

I think my issue is aging and worrying that he might not mean it when he says he loves my body.

He also tells me I am sexy.

I think I went overboard as I was very jealous of their bodies and I cant be 25 anymore

[Ggrand]

Hi mistie,

I think it’s beautiful that he says those things to you...

Ageing does happen to us all...It would be so nice if our bodies didn’t show it so much...but I suppose we have to accept it and embrace it as well....

You are beautiful mistie at any age....everyone is....no matter what age or shape....Believe the words of your husband...When he says to you that he loves you and that you’re gorgeous....

I know words can hurt about another’s persons looks...but it’s just words, without any real meaning...It’s you he loves deeply, and it’s you that’s gorgeous and (sexy)....

Please don’t ever think any differently...

Kind thoughts lovely mistie...

Grandy..

[misties]

Thank you so much for your views.

Things are back on track now we had another talk about it and I told him I was being irrational.

He said to me why are you wearing your dressing gown? I said I dont want you to see my body to which he replied but I love your body I like looking at it. So I took it of and stood there for him and he loved it...