Hello! So I need some advice.
I have been struggling with suicidal thoughts for a long long time and the past couple months have been no different. It's been a really rough couple months, and judging by the news I got today, it's about to get a heck of a lot harder.
What I need advice with is, I basically live a double life. I have me, i'mbadwithnames, and then I have "online me", let's call them... idk i'mbadwithnames2 (there is a reason why I chose that name...)
I am a massive follower of sports, and ibwn2 is my way of interacting with those communities. From watching streams of the players on Twitch when they stream, to interacting with the teams and players on Twitter. A lot of people in the community know my name and I have developed a little following with a lot of people that interact with me. The thing is, ibwn2 is a very positive force on the community. A lot of the people I follow... aren't well liked. I basically exist to tell them that they are talented and welcomed members of the community and to provide a juxtaposition to all the hatred they get every day from being online all the time. (They aren't hated for being bad people, most of them are very nice and a lot of fun to be around, they are just on teams maybe someone doesn't like or that isn't doing well or someone doesn't like the organisation their team exists and plays under ectect.).
As you can see, this is a pretty big juxtaposition to actual ibwn who can barely make it through the day without curling up in a ball and crying off to sleep.
The question I have, should I introduce i'mbadwithnames2's community to actual i'mbadwithnames? It kind of feels like I am playing them and betraying them by not being authentic, but at the same time I enjoy seperating the two because it means I can be on social media and forget about how awful my life and mental health is and just be someone completely different, arguably better, person. But at the same time, maybe online community wants to know so they can help me? I don't really have an in person support system so I get most of my "support" from online friends, a couple of which know how much I am struggling. But a lot of my little community (god it feels egotistical to call them "my community") don't actually know. They never get to peek behind the curtain of positivity.
As mentioned, I got some bad news today so being that positive person is likely about to become harder.
What do you guys think? Any thoughts and opinions would be appreciated.
