Feeling used, abused and discarded

[Cookie64]

Been good friends with my brother in law and a long time friend. About 10 years ago I started taking them 4wding to places like the Cape, Kimberley, Simpson Desert and practically all over Australia and in fact they met the current group of friends as a result of our travels to the Vic High Country.

Last year I took them on the Canning Stock Route and felt that they were doing nothing to help, I put on the coffee in the morning, cooked breakfast, packed my swag and loaded mine and their swags on top of the 4wd, drove for anywhere up to 8 hours, unpacked, set up my swag and then cooked dinners for them. The only thing my brother in law did was to wash the dishes, when we broke down, twice, they stood there not offering to help and left me to do everything.

When we got back work took a serious turn for the worse as the Federal Government changed the way they did procurements cutting me off at the legs basically, couple this with what happened has sent me into a deep spiral and have to fight back tears often in order to hide my pain from my wife & kids.

I have been polite but not overly outgoing to either of them since we came back but have learn't that I have been effectively outcast from the group of friends with my Sister in Law and Brother in Law conspiring to turn these "friends" against me leaving me to dwell on what happened and wondering why and how I could be so blind not to see them taking advantage of me - they have done this before with other friends. She is quite manipulative and deceiving and I think has them fooled.

My friend approached me the other day and came around for a chat to see what was going on as I wasn't at several functions (I wasn't invited) and so I told him how I felt, what I held back was what my Sister in Law had been saying about his wife which was absolutely disgusting, she told my youngest daughter and have heard it now from a couple of different sources. I thought we left on reasonable terms and hoped that he would call me in a couple of days. I called him today and was told he needed more time to let what I told him settle in but feel that I have lost him as a friend.

I am about to go on a holiday to Fraser Island for a couple of weeks but feel like I may just be a hinderance to the others in the group with my constant state of depression and tearfulness.

I am really at a loss as to what to do, I don't want to burden or worry my wife or kids but have really no one else that I can talk to

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

I see you problem clearly as I've had the same.

There is several factors in this scenario that can be upsetting- the extra workload on the trip which makes you exhausted so compounds the problem, manipulation of others that results in loss of friendships and ongoing tension hoping they will realise how hurtful they have been and respond accordingly. But, I don't know about you, but I feel the evasiveness/lack of openness is the worse of all these issues.

Briefly- My wife and I began a round Oz trip in 2016. We had built our own small caravan for the purpose and travelled with a married couple that had a modern bus campervan and we'd known them 20 years (best friends).

We'd agreed to travel together for safety reasons and cruise at 95kph. For six weeks however while up north they weren't themselves but nothing would drag out the reason. Then they began to speed ahead out of sight. We broke down in the middle of nowhere west of Kathrine NT. Out of phone range no help available. A passer by assisted and we spent 1 week repairing the car. We caught up in WA two weeks later and had a showdown. They then told us they weren't happy with our caravan having a break in the drawbar 7 weeks earlier in QLD. That event cost us only 3 hours to get it repaired...such and inconvenience! As I'd built the van myself one flaw was all that occurred- quite a remarkable build really. Our friendship was destroyed.

So the lack of openness and in your case manipulating events to your other friends is really harmful. Also some couple feed off each other with negativity.

We can add other factors to do with our own mental health. That doesn't mean we are to blame for these event- just that the effect on us is magnified stopping us from moving on.

Bearing that in mind I've selected a number of threads relevant to your story and mental health

Simply google the threads below and read the first post.

Beyondblue topic the labyrinth of friendships

Beyondblue topic Fortress of survival

Beyondblue topic Fortress of survival part 2

Beyondblue topic Depression and sensitivity, a connection?

Beyondblue topic Disowned by family members?, how to survive it

Beyondblue topic control your life

Beyondblue topic rejection, it's hard to swallow

There are more on this site

Finally, a trip to your GP might be a good idea. With depression we tend to downplay our symptoms. Repost anytime on those threads or here.

I hope you are feeling better, time is also a healer.

TonyWK