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Battling

Scrabbling
Community Member

Things are overwhelming me quickly I've started self harming but it's not enough my agitation is increasing and I'm losing control on reality I don't want to be here anymore I'm just going in circles with no way off.

Im not sleeping and am digging myself a hole that I can't get out of. I was keeping my head above water but now I feel like I'm drowning I have a feeling things are going to get worse. It's pointless trying to talk to my psychologist and I've been through the so call mental health system which was just a joke! Bit like me really.

 I've taken an extra sleeping tablet tonight just to try and stop the constant bad thoughts I'm safe if I can sleep.

I think things are going to come to a head soon and that scares me but also may give me the peace I'm after. Anyone similar? 

2 Replies 2

Hey there Scrabbling,

Thank you for sharing with us here how you have been feeling. It sounds like things have felt tough for a while now and are feeling really overwhelming right now. It's great that you have a psychologist that you can talk to. Even if it does feel pointless sometimes, it can be a way to keep ourselves safe.

 

We have checked in with you privately but wanted to also let you know that if you’re feeling suicidal or are having thoughts about harming yourself, it's important that you take immediate steps to keep safe. That might mean connecting with existing supports, following a safety plan, or you could connect with Lifeline on 13 11 14. If you feel unable to keep yourself from acting on your thoughts about suicide or self-harm this is an emergency, and you need to call 000 (triple zero).  
 
We hope that you find our forums to be a safe and supportive space to talk through your thoughts and feelings. Our community is here for you, and we’re sure they’ll spot your post soon enough and have some kind words and understanding for you.  

 

Kind regards,  

Sophie M 

therising
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Scrabbling

 

I can remember a doctor once saying to me 'When (physical) pain is long term, it's important to break the pain cycle so that you can gain a sense of relief and so that your body can experience a state of repair'. It's just occurred to me that it's the same for mental health. Being a gal who's faced long term depression earlier in my life (of about 15 years) and someone who's managed periods in depression since then, I have to agree that it's the breaks that makes all the difference when it comes to mental pain and anguish. One of my legitimate fears is returning to long term depression because there is no break. I feel for you so deeply while what you face feels so incredibly relentless. I think the breaks give us the time to make better sense of exactly what's depressing and/or anxiety inducing. So much harder to work out all the reasons while in a state of depression and/or anxiety.

 

Personally, I can't live without wonderful people in my life, the kinds of people who don't leave me to wonder alone when it comes to why I suffer horribly at times, what my depressing or stressful challenges are really about, what could be the best way forward, what I can't see that I need to see in the way of direction, answers and overall vision and so on. We definitely don't need people who think they know it all, people who give us 'solutions' and directives we just can't relate to, people who won't fully listen to all the soul destroying stuff that pains us, people who lead us to see worse case scenarios as opposed to scenarios that are going to open our mind in liberating ways. Such people don't realise none of that stuff works. And for them to imply, in one way or another, that it doesn't work because we're kind of broken in some way is just arrogant in my opinion. Wonderful people aren't so arrogant and aren't so quick to jump to such conclusions. Instead, they set about wondering why things don't work as well as continuing to wonder what could make a difference. A sense of wonder is a highly underrated thing and it's a powerful thing, especially when it comes to mental health.

 

Can't help but wonder how you're feeling your energy levels at the moment. Are you in 'flat battery' mode? Experiencing hyperactivity (through stress), as opposed to basic activity? Maybe fluctuations between both? If it's both, can't help but wonder whether it feels like you're kinda being pulled apart.