Would you forget?

[JessF]

Last night i was watching an old episode of the X Files, where one of the main characters ends up having his memory erased and dumped in a small town in Mexico.  His son had been killed years before, and the only flashes of memory that came back to him were that he had a son.  When his memories came back to him by the end of the episode, it was like reliving it again and he was devastated.

But then he confronted the man who had erased his memories. The man asked him, "Do you really think your'e better now that you remember your life? Why would you want to have back all that pain?" And the character answered "Because it's MINE."

This has set my wheels spinning more than I thought it would.  It seems sort of obvious that it would be great to pusha button and erase horrible memories, especially those people who have suffered horrible abuse etc. But doesn't what happen to us define who we are and the path we take in life?

I remember seeing another documentary about a man who compeltely lost his memory one day, and his wife ended up leaving him even though they'd been together for years, because he literally wasn't the man she'd married. His persoanlity was different, because it had been shaped by all the things that had happened to him, including all the years they spent together.

So I'm torn. What do you think? Would erasing memories fix our depression?  And would we lose something else in the process?

[Girl_Anachronism]

Hi Jess, 

I haven't said it before, but I really enjoy your posts. They are thought provoking and interesting. 

Would I forget? No. 

For the very reasons you mention. The experiences that have happened to me, the family I was born into, the choices people in my life made, choices I made, all affect who I am. For all that it has caused me and others pain, suffering and gone a different way than sometimes I imagine they should have gone, they did go that way. If I forgot all of it, I would be a different person. As much as I may be a mess at times, as much I have affected others lives, I wouldn't be someone different. 

Not to say that in my darker moments I wished to be someone else. I have. But I don't truly want that. That is a desire borne of not knowing how to deal with a situation. 

All situations can be dealt with. 

GA

[georga23]

Hi Jess, A part of me wants to say yes, Erasing memories would help our depression, but only if we could choose which parts stay and which parts go.

I was born into a family of 4,Two brothers and parents that argued constantly. Its not hard for me to say that my relationship with my father was a fractured one. The things that happened under our roof were contained by it, my brain decided that it was too horrific for a child of 4 to think about, so it erased all the confusing encounters.

Many years went by before I realised what had happened, why I felt anxious and depressed around my father. Not until i was 18 and after years of counselling, did I find what my brain had done, not only had it erassed my bad encounters with my father, but also a majority of my childhood.

Now and then bits and peices of memories come flooding back, both good and bad, but sometimes I wish it had stayed burried. Honestly, for me, yes I wish I could erase it all again, but I believe it would help in this extreme case..

Other people may be different, as the things they have experienced may be different.

Thank you for your time..

GHA

[white knight]

Hi Jess,  I love your posts also.

I dont know about your question but I have suffered loss of short term memory overall and it is terrible.

Everyone you have contact with , more so your spouse, expects you to recall the basic things they tell you the day before ...even though they know your memory is shot. You feel like wearing a t-shirt with "no short term memory here".

Not their fault because we as humans communicate and expect each other to remember.

Anyway thinking further about your question and TV shoe I think that point was made well, that one would lose something precious inside them if a loss of memory was surgically possible.

Tinkering with select portions of the brain doesnt sound good.

[AGrace]

Hi Jess,

Such an interesting question!!

Like WK, ive suffered memory loss, 6 months worth as a result of ECT.

There were plenty of negative experiences in there, 2 overdoses, 4 months of hospitalisation, family therapy with my parents that went wrong,  just to name a few. I thought it would be great not to remember these things, but that would only be the case if I remembered what I dont remember. When you've lost memories you can be blissfully ignorant, but what hurts is when someone you love tells you you did something and you cant even remember doing it let alone the pain you must have caused them.

Id do anything to get my memories back!

AGrace

[CMF]

I believe we have a path in life, I don't think we can change that path. Things happen to us for a reason, people come into our lives for a reason.

 We are given choices and the choices we make take us to our next step.  We learn from everything we do in life, all our memories happy/sad, good/bad definitely shape who we are and help us decide which path to take moving forward.

[Pixie15]

Hi Jess,

This is a really difficult question. There are things in my life I would dearly love to forget. When his memories were taken away the person in the story never had the opportunity to grow through the pain of his loss so in a way that is a sad outcome. Also there must  of good memories erased with the painful ones.

[AGrace]

Hi Can't move forward,

After reading your response here, and all the positive ideas in it, I'm thinking a name change might be in order?

AGrace

[White_Rose]

Dear Jess

Like others here, I so much enjoy reading your comments. It seems as though you are a wise grandmother, so if you are really 25 please excuse me.

I lived with my husband for 30 years and most of it I have forgotten. So as Georga has said, bits come back on occasions and family talk about what happened in their childhood but I cannot remember. My ex treats me with contempt when I fail to remember and I am so sad that I cannot remember the children growing up.  I believe it is my brain's attempt to hide from all the bad things. Trouble is, it is the bad things that resurface, not the good stuff.

I would love to remember many things. I do agree though that forgetting is not a good thing. Maybe I would have been happier if I could remember all the good stuff. Who knows? And that's the point. Even losing selected parts of our memory would have an impact on our lives.

Memory is precious and it is what we hand on to our children. My memories of childhood and growing up, my children's youth and general family memories are worth preserving, learning to live with and celebrating.

To refer to another film, one of the Star Trek series, Kirk says his needs his pain, it is what makes him the person he is. And that's the whole point.

LING

[HelenM]

I've just seen this thread and it really interests me. Often I think I'd love to lose my memory so I could get rid of the horrible stuff. Having read the posts on here though I've changed my mind. I've got lots of lovely memories and as long as I give nostalgia a good kick I can really enjoy them.