Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Paws,

I’m sorry you had such an awful day. Being in pain is really hard and then having that situation of going to contact your sister, it’s really difficult. I remember it taking quite some time to fully process when someone had passed. It’s like it doesn’t fully compute and there’s part of us that can respond as if they’re still here. I imagine after a difficult day with pain you were feeling like reaching out to someone. It’s good to express how you feel anyway. Sending you gentle, supportive hugs 💗

Do you know the cause of the hip pain? It sounds like the right hand side is having a hard time with the foot too. Do you think it is an arthritis issue? I’ve tried something called Bowen Therapy which I’ve found quite helpful for body pain. It’s a gentle therapy that involves small movements of the fascia and releases constricted fascia throughout the whole body which often then benefits specific pain areas. It’s very different to physiotherapy in that it’s less targeted and more helping the body as a whole. The last practitioner of it I saw was good at it but kept trying to do personal life coaching stuff with me when all I wanted was the Bowen therapy, so I stopped seeing her. But the person I saw before that some years ago in the city was just focussed on the bodywork and I noticed a significant shift in my body when I’d been in very severe pain. You can have a bit of what’s called healing pain after the session as the body recalibrates, but it’s like it gives a deep relaxation to the whole nervous system. It’s just a thought anyway in case it’s any help.

I sometimes find just having something to watch on TV can be a good distraction from both physical and emotional pain. I was wondering if you saw the Living With Devils program tonight on the ABC about Tasmanian Devils? It was just starting when I turned the TV on at 7:30 but I realised there wasn’t any point in telling you then as it would have already screened in Victoria. I thought it was really good. The facial tumour disease they have is a real worry for the populations not yet affected by it, but the amazing thing is that some resistance to the disease is beginning to show in populations that do have it. The program followed a mother devil and her four playful babies.

After lunch today I felt compelled to lie on my couch which as usual led to falling asleep straight away. It was almost 6pm when I woke up again. I made the effort to go for a short walk in the woodland across the road to get some fresh air and a bit of exercise. There were quite a few Painted Lady butterflies. No kangaroos today but I saw a very large roo there the other day.

As far as the microbiome goes, I only mentioned that as a possibility and it may not be relevant. I was eating a pretty healthy Mediterranean-style diet when I found I had those gut issues, so I think you can have what is the healthy recommended diet and still have stuff going on. I think I’ve had stuff not quite right since I was a teenager and stress has a huge impact on the gut as well. So I think both stress and hormonal changes in recent years have been major factors for me. I found I was strongly allergic to dairy and have a degree of gluten intolerance, both which were causing inflammation. So removing those has definitely been helpful.

I hope you can sleep well tonight Paws and wake up feeling better tomorrow. Life can really feel heavy sometimes but I hope you can find some joy in small things. I wish I could have a cuppa and a chat with you but I’m there in spirit.

Take good care and warm, gentle hugs,

ER

[Paw Prints]

Hello ER,

Oh I missed the Tassie Devil story 😥   with having satellite tv I can watch the ABC & to a lesser extent SBS as separate state channels, so if I miss say Gardening Australia at 7:30 Vic time I can go to ABC WA & watch it when it is broadcast at 7:30 WA time.  I had read reports that some devils were showing an immunity to getting the facial tumours.  Did they test the mother & babies for it?

I am fogged in this morning & it is lovely.  I usually hear the Kookaburras just as dawn breaks calling from the forest across from me, but this morning I had one either in the tree next to my house or on my roof.  I've not had one this close since my neighbour filled the dam.

The hip is arthritis, actually both hips have it but the right one is worse.  If the pain levels I had yesterday became every day then I would consider a hip replacement, but I think I'm still a long way off from needing that.  I would rather manage my mobility without drugs or surgery as long as possible.  My foot isn't arthritis but an uncommon disease my mind has gone blank trying to remember the name for.  Basically it feels the same as a broken bone in the foot, but is actually a crystalized growth on & in the bone.  There is no treatment or cure as such, but keeping all weight off the foot will in 6 to 8 weeks allow the growth to break down & be reabsorbed.  When I first had it they told me it would continue to reoccur into the future.  What would help with both these issues & most of the other health issues I have would be to lose the extra weight I'm carting around.  I wish losing weight was as easy as gaining it. 

I went to bed not long after my post yesterday & have woken up feeling much brighter & in the mood to get on with the decluttering.  I will take it easy & not over do it.  Sorry for waffling on about me so much.

I'm pleased you managed a short walk after your siesta.  I've decided to rename sleeping in the day however long as "a siesta".  There are many places in the world where sleeping during the day is just how they do things, so no more thinking it something to struggle over, now it is just a siesta.  Lass are you feeling any lift in your mood however small?  I was thinking about your comment re how thinking of being with an animal can have the same affect as actually being with one.  It has set me wondering if perhaps when you don't physically feel up to a walk or swim, whether imagining yourself doing it may have some benefit.  Especially if it is what you are thinking of before falling asleep.  I remember a study that showed when one group of people learnt an instrument & another group only imagined learning the instrument, the changes in their brain were the same.

Thank you for the hugs & the sitting with me in spirit

Big hugs

Paws

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Paws,

Oh ok it sounds like you could still see something if I tell you about it with the satellite TV, if it still hasn’t screened at WA time. I’ll keep that in mind if I see something else of interest. It would be on ABC iview but I know you have trouble viewing video on the internet. It may get repeated sometime in the week. They didn’t test the mother and baby Tassie Devils for the disease who are in the area of north-west Tasmania that is the last place not affected by it, except at the end the naturalist and narrator of the film sadly sees a male showing early stages of the disease in that area. So that was the first sign of it entering the area. They have grave concerns for those Devils but at the same time some hope from the immunity they have found is developing elsewhere. The baby devils were cute and rambunctious with a very tolerant and patient mother who looked exhausted just before they all finally left the den. They are wonderful characters and I enjoyed seeing them very much in wildlife parks in Tassie. I got to pat one who had cataracts. She was so soft.

The fog really sounds lovely and it’s wonderful to have the kookaburra visitor. They are another creature that has so much character. They are actually introduced here in WA but have become naturalised. I grew up with them around in Perth and they are about here too. Occasionally I find one sitting on my back fence.

Is the foot condition you have something like plantar fasciitis? It sounds a bit similar from your description though I don’t think that necessarily involves a crystallised growth and I think plantar fasciitis is fairly common. I’ve had that on and off over the years and had a heel spur on x-ray but apparently while that often occurs in plantar fasciitis it’s not necessarily the main cause of the pain. I know you can get injections for it and I did have one once but I’m not sure it made much difference for me. I don’t know if that would help in your case if it gets really troublesome? It is possibly something all together different. I know those things can be quite disheartening when they affect mobility, as the hip would too 😞 I hope at least the foot growth breaks down and reabsorbs again soon.

And you are not waffling on at all Paws, so please don’t apologise. It’s your thread and you are absolutely entitled to pour out however you feel. I think when living alone too it can be hard not having someone to share how your day has gone with or process feelings with, so it’s good to have a place to express how you feel. I am always happy to listen to how you are going 🤗

Ah, yes, siesta, that’s what our daytime sleeping is! Good thinking Paws. I think those countries where siestas are a normal everyday thing have got it right, especially in warmer climates where the afternoon can be so sleepy. While the depression is still there it is a little better today. At lunch I tried to eat something from the local cafe/bakery but it was a major histamine trigger. I couldn’t keep it down. But when my histamine goes up so does my oestrogen levels, lifting my mood and energy levels. I’m not sleepy this afternoon at all whereas I could barely lift my body or keep my eyes open in preceding days. So my detective work tells me the oestrogen/histamine relationship is crucial in what’s happening. I have a feeling progesterone may be the key hormone I need to look into to balance things but need to investigate further. I’m really on my own with this puzzle but I’m determined to get on top of it. It is one advantage of my perseverance tendency that I desperately want to solve things and won’t stop till I have an answer.

I think you are very right about imagining doing things having a similar effect to doing them at some level. Sometimes I get a compulsion to swim even when I’m not near water and I’ll find myself imagining swimming. It’s quite primal and kind of involuntary, like it’s just what my body wants to do. I’ve read how watching others can trigger mirror neurons as well. So watching someone swim on TV can set off the same responses in our bodies as if we’re swimming. Apparently people vary in this responsiveness and there’s even a thing called mirror-touch synaesthesia which I wondered if I had at one stage though I’m not sure. It’s quite fascinating. I wonder if I can watch someone eating a chocolate eclair without eating one myself and still get the same enjoyment without the calories 😂 That would be awesome!

Well have a lovely evening Paws and Happy New Year! 🥳 Thank you for being the beautiful, kind, gentle soul you are. May 2025 bring good things ☺️

Hugs,

ER

[Paw Prints]

Happy New Year ER,

It is good that you aren't feeling as sleepy as you have been feeling.  Not good though that you couldn't keep food down yesterday.  I hope that has settled for you.

I haven't heard of mirror-touch synaesthesia & had to google it.  What an unusual condition.  You are right it would be great if we could watch someone eat & enjoy it ourselves without the calories.  These days I think I have the opposite happening when I see someone eating something I'm the one who gains the weight. 🤣

No my foot problem isn't like plantar fasciitis, nor is it like having a spur.  When they first said I had a growth on a bone in my foot my immediate thought was a spur, but apparently what I have is very different.  When my GP got the report from the specialist she actually had to google the disease as she had not heard of it before.  I have the specialists report somewhere amongst the clutter, if I find it I will let you know the name.

I don't have my actual birthdate on facebook as I don't believe in putting that type of info online, so the date I chose was the first of January.  I've been getting birthday wishes today from some cousins & friends I've made through dog groups who don't know my real birth date.  I think it is the thought that counts, so I'm just thanking them rather than trying to explain, but it does feel strange.

I hope you had a quiet New Years Eve where you are.  I'm glad to be well away from the noise of parties & fireworks.  I'm one of those strange creatures who doesn't like any fireworks, not the official ones, nor the backyard ones.  The noise & smell are horrible.  I find myself being more bewildered each year at the people who queue for hours & hours just to watch fireworks.  But then I suppose there would be people bewildered by my enjoyment of sitting for hours watching the creatures in my garden.  

Wishing you the best for 2025.  Thank you for all your support.

Hugs

Paws

[Eagle Ray]

Happy New Year Paws,

Well today I’ve gone back to sleepy land and just woke from an afternoon sleep. I did stay up to 2am though so that might have something to do with it. I watched the Sydney concert and fireworks on ABC last night. I understand being sensitive to fireworks and I remember as a child finding them kind of a bit frightening and overwhelming. I also went through a phase with sound tolerance where the sound was too much. But I’m actually ok with them at the moment and I enjoyed the Sydney ones last night which were very spectacular. I was impressed by the soundtrack by Luna Pan. I’m very interested in the mix of sound and visuals. So I find sensory things for me can be both overwhelming at times and yet at other times I find them enchanting. 

Yes, mirror-touch synaesthesia is fascinating. I read about a doctor who has it where it’s both a bit overwhelming at times but also an asset because he feels things in his body that his patients are going through. So he has high levels of empathy and emotional intelligence in responding to patients. I wish all doctors had that. When I was in Grade 1 in primary school I remember noticing sitting in a classroom if another child was upset, even if I couldn’t see or hear them. It’s like I’d feel strong emotion in my body, look across the room and then see the child who was upset. Likewise, if the teacher was telling off another child I would fully feel it as if I was being the one told off with extremely strong reactions in my body. I find it extremely hard watching anything violent on TV so I just don’t, because it’s extremely visceral for me, yet I have friends who can watch violent movies without being affected. I actually feel everything I see. I still don’t know if it’s mirror-touch synaesthesia but I have wondered. I laughed at your comment on putting on weight just watching someone eat something 🤣 Maybe I will google one of those aerobics videos on YouTube tomorrow and see if I can get fit just watching it 😂

The foot problem sounds frustrating. I do hope it improves soon. At least it sounds that it eventually goes away with rest but all these small things add up don’t they. It’s like the patience gods testing us saying I’ll throw this at you now and it’s another thing to navigate. 

I completely understand not giving your actual birthdate to Facebook. It would be a funny feeling getting the birthday messages. I resisted giving my birthdate to Google though I’m trying to remember if I eventually relented after being badgered every time I logged into it. I don’t get those messages now prompting me to give the birthdate so maybe I did eventually. I’m not on any social media platforms, but if I was I would be cautious too about what I put on there.

Last night watching the Sydney concert I found it kind of fascinating watching Robbie Williams because he is so the opposite of me in his love of attention. He is super confident in front of an audience and loves it, whereas I am such a shy person. There’s something so honest about his personality, like “this is me, hello world!” I was reading about him afterwards and ended up being able to relate to many of the things he’s collected as diagnoses - depression, ADHD, neurodiversity, PTSD and HSP (highly sensitive person). He also has a hormone imbalance, andropause, like the male version of menopause. He has chronically low dopamine and a dad with Parkinson’s like me. So I found myself relating to him even though I’ll never be an attention-seeking pop-star. He seems to be quite open about his experiences too which I think is helpful in de-stigmatising things. I’d be interested to see his new biopic in which he’s bizarrely portrayed as a chimpanzee 🤣 I read he wanted to be a lion when asked what his spirit animal was then realised that a monkey was more his personality. I find people so interesting.

I hope you have a peaceful evening Paws. The sun is still up here and I’ve had little Yellow-rumped Thornbills in my garden who make cute little noises. May you have a lovely day tomorrow.

Hugs,

ER