Light vs. Darkness

[SubduedBlues]

Dear BB Forum readers and posters, regulars and newbies:

I really like volunteering and helping other people in need, but sometimes- here on the forums- I find it takes a lot of self control and refocusing to keep myself from going down that road again.

I mean, here I am reading through the post after post, and thread after thread, about how another person is having to deal with mental illness; and then someone posts something that hits oh so close to home. In these instances, sometimes I can't help but identify with the author as there is too much similarity between what they have posted and what has happened in my life.

On one hand I really want to help jump in with both feet and these people, but on the other I am so afraid of following them down that path that I avoid the thread altogether. And I wonder: am I avoiding it because of my own limitations or am I just being selfish? It is easy to self justify it as the former, but really- in a way- isn't it the latter?

Coping and dealing with that which happens to me is often within the realm of my influence and control; so if it gets bad there is no one to blame but me. However, when I am reading through all of the hardship, trials and tribulations that others have to go through, and I sometimes find myself powerless to prevent their pain, and as such I cannot help but for my heart to be saddened by the words within their posts.

So my question is:
How does you keep your beacon of light from being consumed by the darkness?

SB

[Starwolf]

Hi SB,

Staying away from threads that trigger you is not selfish but wise. Helping others is commendable but not if it comes at your own detriment. Your personal distress is as important as anyone else's. Besides, when you are feeling low because of one particular post, it may be difficult to focus on other threads that could otherwise benefit from your input.

Pausing after reading a "difficult"post allows you to touch base with ourselves, figure how WE feel before deciding what to do about it. Sometimes timely retreat is the bravest, wisest decision.

Sometimes it helps to wait till other members have replied before joining the conversation. It can give us time to distance ourselves from that first influx of emotions. Being in tune with yourself does help. Some days are better than others. Some a total write-off.

We all have our limitations. No matter how frustrating they may be, there is no viable option but acceptance of those boundaries.

And yes...I get the temptation factor. But taking a step back to contemplate it also helps choose how to respond. Response Vs reaction.

[white knight]

Hi Subdued Blues, a good topic

Since commencing with Beyond Blue I have slowly developed my views on several things.

One of them is that once diagnosed with a mental illness my view is that most sufferers will not fully recover, sad as that seems. Mild anxiety and mild depression likely one can recover but bipolar, depression and so on I have formed the view we are here for the long run.

This is in a way Pidgeon holing people, its not meant as a negative, its meant to get things in a perspective that many of us will need help lifelong however that help arrives if we seek it.

A thread I wrote about this a long time ago is relevant.

Google- Topic: depression, a ship on the high seas- beyondblue.

Back to your question. I think most people know that the road that their mental illness can lead them is very serious and ultimately destructive if not treated. We are like an empty bucket. When trauma strikes the bucket fills then overflows for a short time. But with those with a mental illness its near full all the time and the slightest upset sees it overflow easily and for longer periods. We have to accept this situation and ensure all the possible medical treatments are pursued to keep that water level as low as possible.

The same goes with everything including the forum. We have to pick our times of strength to answer posts and reduce replies if things are getting heavy.

Beyond Blue forum to me is part of my life but I make sure I don't over commit. If I over commit I could slide and that bucket will over flow. We have to learn to place a make believe tap in there to regulate our input. Otherwise if we suffer from over commitment we pay a price and others wont get the benefit of our wisdom.

Take care.

Tony WK

[SubduedBlues]

@Starwolf - "can give us time to distance ourselves from that first influx of emotions" Yes, I have to agree with you there, time does allow us to distance ourselves from the emotion felt on first readings.

@WhiteKnight - "a ship on the high seas," very insightful, thank you for mentioning it. I can really relate to many points made in that article.

Everything in moderation is the phrase that comes to mind. ​

[pipsy]

Hi SB. Just to put a different perspective on this. I was sexually abused over a long period of time as a child. Yes, I am emotionally scarred, I have managed to overcome most of the shame I felt, self blame etc. Some months ago I was summoned to serve on a jury. It was the 4th notification. the 3 previous times I had managed to avoid. Twice I was with my ex who was a prison officer, the 3rd was after attempting to end my life. I had no choice this time so I attended court, hoping to be excused. As it transpired the case was a sexual/drug/assault case, involving a minor. I learned to put my own feelings in a 'box' so they would not impact on me during the trial. The interesting part was, as I listened, the facts presented to us seemed to indicate there wasn't enough evidence against him to bring in a 'guilty' verdict. That in no way indicates he was 'innocent', there was doubt, but we had to be 100% sure to vote for a 'guilty' verdict. The judge told us how to reach a verdict that would satisfy us. He reiterated several times that if there was any doubts as to his guilt, we must acquit. It has really taught me how to 'divorce' my own emotions and listen with my mind instead of my heart. It wasn't easy, but it taught me how to listen and how to mentally switch off my emotions. I would not recommend this to anyone who has doubts in any way that mentally it is beyond their capabilities. I, personally, am pleased to have had the experience. If I ever get re-called though, I will ask to be excused. Once was enough. Accepting your limitations is necessary for your own well-being.

Lynda

[Just Sara]

Hi SB;

Great thread and very relevant!

Star and Tony have put forward wonderful responses, I've suffered this tribulation many times and they've been there for me too. Finding my 'feet' after being appointed took a while, and I still get off kilter now and then.

You did ask about 'light' and 'dark', so what comes to mind, especially this evening, is how I personally get so much out of my own posts! When I write to someone, I find my words can reiterate what I need to hear for myself. It's not all the time, but it regularly happens.

That beautiful light we carry inside is there for us too, not just those crying out for our help on the forum. Collectively too, Community Champs have a plethora of experience, knowledge and wisdom to share. That's why this thread is so valuable to anyone wanting to care for and advise others. So kudos SB!

I hear you loud and clear, and all who've posted as well.

Thanks guys!

Sara xo