Hey b.l.u.e.b.e.l.l.
The other guys have commented on sexuality and talked about their story, but what stood out for me is that maybe what happened when you were young has had more of an impact than you realise. Especially on your emotional health and well being. I don't want to talk for you, or assume it has, but maybe if I just let you know that there are thousands of people who have walked that intersection of where sexuality meets that particular awful thing. It just gnaws at you doesn't it.
I don't know if you can relate, but people in the Catholic faith have ignorantly insinuated to me that I am only a lesbian as a perverted consequence of what happened to me when I was little.
I am telling you now, that I will not accept that all that I am, and that beautiful resonance that I felt with someone, is merely a perverted, biological hijacking, that given other circumstances, I would be 'normal'.
Women are my home. And it just feels right. It absolutely terrifed me how deeply I fell in love with one women. It was so scary, and it did trigger childhood memories that were so, so, so hard to navigate. She simply just did not understand my intersection.
It's such a pity there isn't any groups for gals in Sydney. The guys have samsn and apparently Craig is absolutely amazing, had a horrific life, and this is the one question that he gets asked the most. Amazing isn't it, out of all the complexity this issue had. Am I gay because of what happened? People torture themselves over this, and live their entire lives not feeling like they can let go, and enjoy a connection, without the horrible thoughts and constant questions in their minds. It feels like a life sentence doesn't it.
I know I haven't helped. But just wanted you to know, that this is a very very very very common problem, and it keeps people ashamed and closeted for decades, never able to fall in love. Don't travel that journey alone, reach out.
I really hope you find a counsellor that understands these complex and confusing issues.
Def
