How Do I Know My Gender?

Ember_Glow

I was asigned female at birth. My whole life, up until a few months ago, I identified as a girl. As a female. But now I'm not sure. I feel like sometimes I don't fit in with the other girls. Although most of my friends are girls. I hate the beaty standards of our society. I don't fit them. I don't like wearing tight and revealing clothing and showing my midriff. I'm also probably underweight. I'm tall but skinny. I'm not busty like the other girls. Everyone sees so confident in what they wear, and then there's just me, hiding in my baggy jeans and hoody, becomming as small as possible. Trying not to be in the way.

I don't feel that out of place in my body, but I've got so many different styles. I can't seem to stick to just one. And those styles differ depending on who I'm with and how they dress.

I've got ADHD. And Anxiety. And most likely Autism. I mask. To fit in. I don't know if the questioning I'm experiencing is because of that or because I don't feel female. I don't know how to identify bodily internal feelings, like hunger, etc. But that's probably just the AudiHD speaking.

Please help. I don't know what I am or who I am but I need to find out.

Kali_Rose

Hi lovely, I totally get where you are coming from. I am also assigned female at birth and have spent most of my life questioning my identity, style e.t.c.

Firstly, just because you do not fit in with societal standards does not mean that you are not beautiful, feminine or worthy. You are all of those things. It sounds like you may be confused and coming to understand yourself, which is a normal part of life. Sometimes we have to blur/mute out the noise around us about unrealistic standards.

I think learning to love yourself and embracing who you are will help a lot in your situation. Easier said than done, of course. It sounds like you are confused, and that is OK. You are still discovering who you are and who you want to be. I think the most important thing here is to not compare yourself to others, and embrace who you are and what you enjoy and what you like to wear. At the end of the day, that will help you figure out what you identify as. ❤️ sending love!

Ember_Glow

Thank you so much. You do not know how much that means to me to hear/see that. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart. ❤️

tommy-was-here

Hey there,

The feelings you're experiencing are totally normal. I had really similar experiences when I was growing up and something I wish someone had told me is this: "You don't have to have the answer right away". It's a wild concept but you don't have to brandish an answer in a split second. However I can understand not wanting to grapple with your identity for much longer.

I'm a 26 year old trans guy with AuDHD and I can tell you what helped for me.

1. I found things that made me feel comfortable in when it comes to clothing. I realised pretty quickly that if I was going to put together an outfit it was going to be in the men's section of a store.

2. I took time out to sit with my own vision of myself and what I was, as well as what I wanted to be. When you're masking all the time it can be really hard to hone in on that internal voice. Take your space and listen for it, it's the truest version of you I swear.

3. Don't get caught up in people's expectations of "femininity" and "masculinity". The way that you choose to express yourself and your gender is completely up to you. Sometimes when we're trying to figure out our gender we can get really wrapped up in fitting into boxes that makes us easier to be understood by others.

I hope this helps out, always here to chat.

Ember_Glow

Hi tommy-was-here,

thank you so so so much. I really apreciate you. I will try to understand myself a bit better. Thanks again. 🙂

Psychdiaries2

Hey there,

Welcome back to the forums and thanks for your post!

It's ok to feel unsure right now, you don't have to have it all figured out. I also disagree with many beauty standards of society as well, and something I've realised is that you absolutely do not have to follow them. They were literally made up by humans, who cares what they say? I know it's easier said than done. You mentioned you have so many styles, maybe you could try them all out and see which one makes you feel the most confident and good in yourself. I think when you genuinely love yourself, you'll feel more comfortable in your own skin. I used to feel very insecure, but over the years trying different styles and also becoming happier and focused on the things I want to do, I now love being feminine again. Give yourself time and be kind to yourself, you'll have a clearer idea of who you are/what you want with time.

Keep reaching out,

PsychDiaries

_NAL_

@Ember_Glow I feel you so much. I was assigned female at birth, but I just don't feel like I'm any set gender. For example, most of the time, I feel female, male, both and neither at the same time. But it also fluctuates and sometimes I feel more female, sometimes more male etc. I've tried bringing it up with my parents, but my mum just told me that I couldn't do that. I still don't know what to brand myself as and I feel so suffocated in this society where LGBTQ+ people are regarded as different. I just want people to recognize me and call me by my preferred pronouns. This issue has been affecting my sleep, and I just stay awake thinking about whether it's worth possibly losing all my loved ones to be myself.