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What to do when your boyfriend is depressed?

mistyhaze
Community Member
My boyfriend of two years moved out on the weekend after being away for a week of work, and us arguing for most of it, he felt it was best if he left.
His reasons were that he didnt feel the same way anymore. He wasnt happy, and he had never been happy. Moments where he looked happy were just fake and he was tired of faking it.
He had suffered from depression in the past and was on medication when I met him. In the last 6 months he decided to go off his medication, but did agree to start seeing a psychologist and attended the GP appointment I arranged for him to get the referral.
He has since been to 3-4 appointments wit the psychologist, and has barely read the information she has given him. He continues to feel nothing, and has a hard time communicating any feelings at all. He cant say that he cares about me when I ask, he has never said he loves me, and

I do know that I put a lot of pressure on him in the past few months because I wasnt feeling my best. I was down and needed reassurance from him, but he couldnt say the words. Sex has been off the agenda for months but that is partly me not feeling good about myself either as well as his lack of drive.
He has a history of running away from problems, and has moved so many times in his life, he really doesnt have a home.

Through all this he focusses on work, and he's good at his work. He's intelligent and a hard worker. He's generous and kind but just doesnt feel and therefore doesnt act like he cares at some moments.

I guess my question is, do I push to reignite the relationship and try to move forward? or is it time that I move on?

My thoughts are that he needs to try harder on himself, but only he can chose to do that, and perhaps he's due to try meds again, maybe something different. I know its a long, hard road, but do I offer him support along the way in the hope we can resolve things or focus on moving down my own path?
1 Reply 1

JessF
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hello Mistyhaze, it is a sadly common story on these forums to hear of couples who are having a breakdown in their relationship where there is also depression in the mix.

There is often a question around blaming the depression for the breakdown in the relationship. This may be part of it. But so too could depression be caused by being in an unhappy relationship. Only you will be able to decide which of these two scenarios is in play.

Based on your post, you say your boyfriend is telling you straight up that he doesn't feel the same way about you as he used to. He is unable to say he cares about you, and has never said that he loves you.

The depression is not new, as you say he was diagnosed and taking medication at the start of your relationship. So if depression is responsible for his decision to want to leave, then it follows that it could also be responsible for his decision to enter the relationship to begin with.

There are no easy answers, but I find it is unhelpful to start looking for medical reasons when the evidence points to more sad, flawed, human ones.

It may be that he hasn't found what makes him happy in life yet. It is not your responsibility to do this for him.

Romantic partners should be there to walk alongside us in life. If they need to be pushed or dragged along, then something isn't working.