Sick with Anxiety!

[Ahjlees]

Hi,

So I’ve been struggling with this for awhile now and I feel that I’m at my breaking point and honestly don’t know what to do.

I have been helping some friends of mine care for their son and have been going over every few weeks for up to 3 days since he was about 5 days old.

Very early on they offered me a thank you present, in the form of an overseas holiday. I was very hesitant but accepted and life went on. Several months later, I was informed that they had invited someone else along without talking to me and was a bit putt off but again didn’t say anything (turns out that was a wonderful thing as we are now dating). A few weeks after that, they purchased tickets and it’s been an on going drama ever since.

They asked me after the tickets were bought if I was ok to pay for my own accomodation, something they originally offered to do. I agreed but a few months ago realised that I couldn’t actually afford this trip, asked if we could look at cheaper accomodation and subsequently found out that they had been expecting me, my now boyfriend and the other person coming to pay for one of their accomodation. There has been a lot of problems surrounding changing to cheaper accomodation and after heated discussions or angry words that leave me feeling like I’m a horrible person and that I don’t matter to them, in equal measure, they act like nothing has happened. I’ve also become aware that they are talking about things to do with or that concern me to my boyfriend, instead of to me. I called them both out on it and asked them to stop; one ignored me completely and continued doing it and the other claimed they didn’t know what I was talking about.

I’ve really been riddled with anxiety over this as our friendship is now incredibly strained, with them going periods without talking to me and in return I don’t really communicate with them. To worrying if I can actually afford this trip, to me being unwell and feeling even more so about this whole thing.

I want to go on this holiday, especially with my boyfriend as it will be our first overseas trip together and first holiday longer than 2 days but I can just imagine it being very uncomfortable for all involved and a waste of money if none of us enjoy it.

I honestly don’t know what to do or if I should go and as we are meant to be leaving early next year, I have little time to decide.

I’m completely overwhelmed.

[Croix]

Dear Ahjlees~

Look this woman sounds as if she is in the habit of blaming others for everything, no matter if it is her fault or not. I think the fact she blames you for her phone nearly being damaged is a strong pointer to this.

Really it sounds all the way along as if your ex-friends are the ones that have been difficult, and while it is natural to wonder what you have done the answer is probably nothing. It is often the case one tends to regard others as being as reasonable as oneself, and it simply is not so.

Good luck with picking up your stuff, it could be a rather awkward event, so I'd rely upon your boyfriend as much as possible, after all he is the one that is insisting. Many "things" are just not worth the grief.

Croix