Not in a Happy Place

[Petals54]

Hello everyone,

This is my first time posting on this site, I will try to keep it brief and I do apologize if I do ramble.

I’m 54, about to turn 55 this month, I am married and been together with my husband for nearly 7 years. In 2012, I was diagnosed with PTSD, Anxiety & Depression after a work place injury which required 2 hand surgeries. After the surgeries & counseling things were going well, I got married in 2014 , then it all went to crap.... I was diagnosed with Perimenopause and everything changed for me... my anxiety and depression started to creep back into my life and I also realized that my husband had the most paranoid/ Controlling/ ADHD/ extreme temper behaviors that the never really noticed before... So, here I am in a daily basis, not knowing what mood my husband will be in, whether he will fly off the handle over burnt toast, I ‘m feeling anxious even before I get out of bed, I feel stressed every single day and I put a fake smile on my face. We are together 24/7.... we have our own business, he doesn’t want me to get my own job, I have no friends....

I have been seriously thinking I want my old life back, I am so so tired of feeling anxious and stressed on a daily basis. I still love my husband but not enough to live like this, does that make sense? My husband has told me during arguments that if I am not happy I should pack up and leave, maybe I should, I just know I am not happy, I feel like I am living a lie and I feel lost.... I want my own space to do nothing, not be constantly on the go like i am now. I just don’t know what to do or where to start.

Thankyou for listening

take care

Jayne

[monkey_magic]

Hi Petals54,

Well done on speaking up and making changes in your life. I really think you will benefit. I personally know how freeing and good it feels to finally leave and to move on to safer pastures. By the sound of things it doesn't sound like he is keeping you comfortable, loved and safe consistently.
You've set the bar to wanting better for yourself and that's to be commended.
Stay safe.

[Petals54]

Hello Everyone,

Here is the latest on my situation..., As I mentioned before I was packed and ready to walk out the door as it told him I needed a break and although I love him I couldn’t live with him. Since then I have repeatedly said that I want/ need to be in my own , he repeatedly said he wants me to stay. Thursday night we talk about it yet again, I tell him that my feelings haven’t changed and that I need to leave and be in my own, he asks me for another chance ( this will be the 3rd or 4th chance!) I said no, he then says to me well if you won’t stay for me stay for our Staffy who is 14, she needs her mum, stay for her until she dies and then you can go... I mean What?!?! I said to him what if I say no, he says well if I get a full time job, I may not be here all the time, she’s in pain with arthritis so I may have to get her euthanized, I said to him that this is emotional blackmail and not fair on me or our Staffy !

I have not got Ben him my answer but in not doing so we are in this weird limbo void where we are talking abit more but there is a distance, he is hovering over me more wanting to do things and is even taking me out to try out my new camera, in an effort that everything will be forgotten perhaps? I have to stay true to myself and not falter as that I feel will be once again giving in and giving up what I want for me!

Petals54

[monkey_magic]

Hi Petals54,

Throughout your thread you've talked about wanting to leave numerous times so I think you're definitely leaning towards that and you've already made plans to leave.
Although you allow him to hold you back.
I would write down a list of the pros and cons of what your life would look like leaving compared to staying to perhaps give you that extra motivation.
It's never an easy step leaving but a worthwhile one if the relationship is no longer fruitful.
Good luck what ever your decision and we are here to continually listen and support you.

[Petals54]

Hello everyone,

Thought I would post an update on how things stand with me at the moment. Basically we had a discussion ( unfortunately also including alcohol) and I told him how I felt due to his behavior in general and towards me and that his actions had increased my anxiety, depression and stress as well as my Perimenopause and that due to his behavior I am constantly feeling ill, stressed, anxious and that I want my life back on my own... While he did admit that he has been acting like a complete idiot he then turned the blame back on me and my Perimenopause.... go figure! He said that he is nothing without me and he wants to start again, I said I want time away on my own but it landed on deaf ears. Since then I have been hit with severe Perimenopause symptoms and he decides that it may be a good idea to go in anti depressants so that the old me can come back basically... I’m off to the drs next week to see what they say but at the moment I am physically and emotionally and mentally exhausted and he is smothering me to it’s fullest extent saying we’re in this together....

So my plans to leave are in the back burner for now but will see what happens next.

Thanks for listening and your support.

Petals54

[Petals54]

Hello everyone,

I hope that you all are going ok throughout all the Corona virus stuff that’s changed everything.

Just wanted to let you all know that lady Wednesday 8th April, I walked out of the house with 3 bags full of clothes while hubby was in the shower and I haven’t been back. I am currently in Temp accommodation and will be moved to crisis accommodation next week sometime. Thanks to 1800respect and WAGEC ( Women And young Girls Emergency Centre) I am registered with Centrelink and got my first payment today.

It’s been a bit of a roller coaster ride the last week but I’m not looking back only moving forward.

I’ll keep you all posted on what happens next.

Take care

Petals54

[monkey_magic]

Hi Petals54,

Well done on taking the plunge that's so very brave of you.

Not looking back only looking forward sounds like the best way forward and good on you.

That's really good that you are registered with Centrelink as well.

Hopefully only good things can come from this and I wish u all the luck in the world moving forward.

Smiles 🙂

[Guest_1643]

Hi Petals,

So good to hear that you took one powerful step - leaving a dangerous environment. You prioritised yourself. well done...hope to hear more about your journey. You did so good! The first step is always the hardest... after that, I hope you see the heavens open and shower you with good things...

[Petals54]

Hi MM,

Thanks so much for your reply. The last few days have been an absolute blur, I just feel emotionally exhausted! I don’t look at myself as being brave, I just took the chance and left, couldn’t take it anymore.

I have yet to decide whether I will go back and get the rest of my stuff, I have to organize storage and at the moment I just don’t have the funds available, he also wants to sit down and talk..,, do I just walk away and leave sentimental stuff behind?

I am so grateful to the wonderful case worker at WAGEC, she’s be fantastic, pushed to get Centrelink payments through and is working to get me into crisis accommodation ASAP.

For me now it’s one day at a time for ME and as I said to be able to breathe!

Petals54

[monkey_magic]

Hi Petals54,

How great, to be able to breathe again!
Im pressuming it would have been extra hard living where u were with the restrictions in place now and having to stay at home.

Perhaps get your things at a later date when you have more storage.

How do you feel about sitting down and talking to him. I'm guessing you don't want that and just want to move forward.
It probably feels like a huge weight has been lifted from your life.

Well done again. I'm really happy for you!

[Petals54]

Hi there Everyone,

i hope this post finds you all well? Just a quick update from me, it’s been 4 weeks since I left the husband, he keeps asking our neighbors if they have heard from me, they tell him they haven’t... I am currently in Crisis accommodation for the next few months, next step is Transitional accommodation for up to 18months, then affordable housing... Everyone has been great and understanding of my situation. I will be speaking t a DV Counselor this week sometime. I also just want to say a big Thankyou to all of you for listening to me and guiding me through this difficult time, I couldn’t have done any of this without you.

I will keep you updated on how things go.

warm regards

Petals54