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Need advice on friends etc

Kahgami
Community Member
I was in a relationship for a year and a half until about a week ago. It was a sudden breakup and it really hurts me because I've not really had any friends for a while now and he was all that I had. I really struggle making friends and I've been trying to make some again, but I can't seem to connect with anyone and they give up on talking to me. I feel isolated and alone and I'm having a lot of trouble trying to get over this breakup, even if it has only been a week. He already seemed to have moved on and he has friends so he's okay, but my case is the total opposite.
2 Replies 2

Croix
Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Kahgami~

Welcome here to the Forum. Things sound really bad for you at the moment. I'd imagine you are rather like me in becoming very close to a partner and having them be the major part of one's life. When such a relationship comes to an end it is really devastating. There is grief, loneliness and most probably self-doubt too.

As you said one of the things that happens is one tends to let friendships drop off over time, and that's not something that can really be expected to get back on track straight away.

From the sound of it there may have been a bit of a mismatch. You care deeply and he has moved on within a week and found friends to be with. Maybe unlike you he was not as deeply into the relationship and maintained outside friendships all though. What do you think?

I know from looking at myself when grieving I've tended to talk about my situation and my feelings of unhappiness lots and lots. Some people -a few - were prepared to put up with this however most would shy away. Perhaps this is the case here?

Being isolated only makes it worse, or so I found. I worked harder for longer hours and tried to find after hours activities that stopped me from being all alone. I also leaned quite heavily on my family, not so much to talk but to just be with.

What sort of resources do you have to do this for you?

I would like to remind you of something very positive. You are a person capable of giving -and receiving- love. Not everyone is. Your reaction to all this plus an ability to stay in a relationship for so long all points that way. Just because there might have been a mismatch this times does not mean there is not someone else closer to what you deserve in the future.

You know you are welcome here anytime

Croix

Terry73
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Kahgami,

Croix is brilliant in his post, and I agree with him, but I do want to add something.

This break up, although is devastating to you at moment is also an opportunity, think of it as turning a new page in a book you are writing, the past pages are recorded, but you now face a blank sheet, ready to start writing your next chapter in life. You can choose what you want to do now with less restraints you had before, you are able to start going after your dreams you once had, you can start learning some new things you once had an interest in.

Chase after those things, in the process you will meet some amazing people that think like you do, and develop friends that not even a relationship can stop. Use this new blank page to write a happier chapter of your life and those old pages, still are there, but merely there for reference to learn from.

Take care, the future is your own to make

Terry