My Girlfriend Sleeps With Another Man

[TFiend]

My girlfriend has father issue, please keep in mind she's a victim also. Her father kept cheating on her mother, hit her and I can tell that she's always looking for a father figure in her relationship. To be exact, she's looking for rich and powerful men. Man who can give her material wise and stamp the bright future on her forehead. I believe she's never realized it, but everyone around her can see her needs, her craving for that. She even had an affair with her principal when she's in senior high. Now we're in relationship for 2 years and, yeah, she's getting much better since she's with me (her brother said it to me). She's 24 right now and I'm 29.

The problem is, I'm far from the figure of a father she always wanted. And I worked so hard to be the best for her, I did everything I could to give her what she needs, to make her happy. And now we're in LDR, she takes her master study abroad and unfortunately she met this 55 y/o guy who appeared like a prince charming on a white horse in her eyes. She came honest with me that they already had sex.

I feel powerless, humiliated, small and no use to live. Worst than someone spits on your face.

Please help me I' m so depressed right now, I know her so well and she did that because of the issue she has. We were happy and very loyal to each other. Please help me, I love her so much.

beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

[geoff]

dear TFiend, thanks for getting back to us.

Well if you do have hypnotherapy what they will do is try and wipe all the past with her, and that's probably what you want, but there are occasions and these include with your family that you want to keep in your mind.

What you will have to decide on is to give a list to the hypnotherapist of what you want to forget about and what you don't you don't erased.

It may take a couple of sessions, but they can stop people from smoking, so see if you can find someone and have a talk with them.

I would be really interested to see what you decide and what they have to say. Geoff.

[Doolhof]

Hi TFiend,

I have been reading through this thread and I have great sympathy for you regarding all your girlfriend has done, and how hurt you are by her actions.

One thing that really concerns me is you using the word "Revenge" and you not knowing if it will be a sweet revenge or not. Dear TFiend, please don't go down that road, you may do or say something that you will really regret in the future. You may think at the time you are hurting your girlfriend, but in the end you will be hurting yourself as well.

All through your other posts, you sound like a guy who loves and cares for others deeply, that you have a strong work ethic, you help people out, have integrity, are loyal and trust worthy, you are honest and honourable in your actions. If you seek revenge, how will you fill about yourself later on?

Yes, your girlfriend has behaved despicably, you have every right to be hurt, miserable, sad and horrified by her actions. It may take you a while to get over the emotional abuse you have suffered.

I do not know this girl's problems, maybe she has mental health issues, maybe she is a person who doesn't see much wrong with have an affair with someone outside of a relationship, I don't know. Either way, you can be better and stronger than her. You can go and seek help, talk to a professional person about how you are feeling, continue to write here, what ever you need, but please, please, please, do not become all bitter and twisted up by what has happened. It will ruin your life and this girl may just walk away and continue living the same way she is doing now.

I came home from work early one day and found my husband in bed with another lady. I discovered she hadn't been the only one. Was I angry, did I want to take revenge? Of course. Did I become bitter and twisted about it all? No. I walked away and started a new life. Do the memories still hurt? Yes, but they do not control who I am today and how I now live my life.

There are many ways you can show her and yourself that you are a strong person, revenge is not one of them.

Please stop and consider the consequences of any actions you want to make in anger and while in pain.

Thinking of you, and sending your encouragement for a stronger you,from Dools.

[Jacko777]

Sounds great TFiend, if you are respected and loved you will have sweet revenge and I am glad you are doing it for yourself. You can do it.

I'm not sure about the tattoo though! I reckon blow it away with an awesome coverup that displays your new direction, leave the pain behind. Either way, all the best mate, keep us posted.