Dear Florablue~
Welcome here to the Forum. I can well understand how you can be torn two ways in this situation, between you own health and not wanting to hurt someone who does not deserve it. I think it shows you have a caring and thoughtful personality.
It looks from what you say you either let the situation continue or break off with L. Would you say those were in fact your two options?
I guess it is a matter of priorities, as someone with a long term anxiety anxiety condition and now with depression as well it is really important to get your life as stress-free as you can, and this friendship sounds as if it is not helping at all.
I made the mistake of hanging on and not changing my life and really fell over as a result. Crying like that, having to make up excuses and the heart lurching at incoming texts is no way to be.
Do you think you are capable of telling L either face to face or in a letter/text that the time has come for space and you really need to be separated from him? This is something people do all the time, relationships become one-sided and then fail, for no fault on either side.
A kind person will say so and not leave the other person hanging. True it takes bravery, and can feel awful, but in truth it is a sign you care enough to undergo those feelings.
It may be in time you might feel differently, but for now peace, less stress and calm would be good.
Can I ask if you are under medical support for your conditions? As I said I hung on longer than I should and would not like you to make the same mistake.
Having someone to talk to about all this can be pretty good. Is there anyone you can discuss this with who cares, in you family perhaps?
I do hope you come back here and talk some more
Croix
