Hi everyone,
I’m looking for some guidance because I feel really overwhelmed and confused about what the right thing is to do.
Recently, someone I care deeply about made the decision today to step away from our relationship because of his mental health. He explained that when things start to go well in his life, he self-sabotages and isolates from his friends or others close to him, and he was scared of hurting me or putting me through uncertainty while he struggles.
He’s had past suicide attempts, significant trauma, substance use in the past, and a lot of negative beliefs about himself whilst living in a very dysfunctional family that fuels those negative thoughts. He’s also expressed that when he’s in a bad headspace, he can shut people out for months at a time, and simply explained he cares about me so much, he doesn’t want to hurt me in the long run.
He said this decision came from caring about me and wanting to protect me from the impact of his mental health. Intellectually, I understand that. Emotionally, I’m really struggling.
I’m worried about his safety, especially knowing he’s said he’s “not sure” if he’ll be okay, and that he has to actively try not to attempt again. I feel torn between respecting his need for space and feeling scared of leaving him completely alone, I also can’t help but think we could work out if he were to get the help he’s after, as we were highly compatible when together, it’s just mental health impacting us. He can’t see any professional at the moment due to home circumstances and all I want to do is help him navigate it so that he doesn’t struggle everyday, but also so we can stay together.
We’ve agreed to occasional check-ins, but there’s no clarity around what that looks like.
I’m not coping well. I’ve been emotionally exhausted and feel like I’ve got nothing to look forward to these school holidays as my plan was to have hangouts with him. I’m scared that staying emotionally involved might keep me stuck, but I’m also scared that distancing myself might put him at risk.
