Lack of clarity in relationships

white knight · ‎22-01-2023

It saddens me to read so many people in relationships that aren't happy because they dont have 100% security with that person. It's in no mans land, not being fully convinced that they are happy or you are fully in love or other feeling is a breeding ground for anxiety. What do you do when you are in such a situation?

We will go to so many lengths to continue a romantic relationship because "love" has that hold on us. The thought of breaking up from someone you feel you are in love with is fear in itself as you realise love is hard to find and being in love feels like you'll never fall in love that much ever again. I dont think that is true at all. To understand my approach we'll need to seek out what "being in love" means. It is more than affection, sexual chemistry and holding hands, so much more like trust, commitment, quashing any doubts, planning ahead, sharing fears and so on.

If one party has mental health problems then the need for clarity rises because that person might display signs of doubt by mere behaviour eg not showing commitment or interest during a period of depression, trying to put up a brave face or being aloof. It is therefore crucial for the one with the restrictions to remind their partner they aren't doing anything wrong and all is ok, "I'm not feeling 100% today, I'm hoping you'll understand". 9 words that could put your partner at ease and that is mandatory if you want to allow your partner to remain at ease. People aren't mind readers. Feed them facts.

I'm advocating effective communication regardless of your illness. For the other partner I'm promoting understanding by patience and flexibility for it isnt easy understanding an illness you cannot see. This can all be summed up by being considerate and such consideration must continue forever not just during dating, it should become an automatic response to your partners needs at the time.

Seeking clarity by information supply by both parties will always be beneficial. Withholding information fuels doubt and anxiety which is not a sign of a loving and considerate person.

What do you think? Are you needing more clarity in your relationship?

TonyWK

quirkywords · ‎27-01-2023

I think support , giving one’s partner the benefit of doubt and being king are part of clarity I seek.

Beaser · ‎31-01-2023

Hi WN.

Hope all is well for you. I stumbled across this great post. I guess you could say ive been a classic example of what you talk about. It is so hard to be in a relationship that leaves you guessing about where your headed and where you stand. Throw in both having mental health issues as well. I still have so much respect and even love for my ex. Bur when we were together she didnt want to hear the word love which i found hard. I miss her so much but i have been doing the right thing and leaving her alone with no contact at all . I hope she sees me as being respectfull andt houghtful of her wishes. I noticed she has unfriended me on facebook so i feel that is a message in itself. My best wishes to you always happy to talk Beaser.

white knight · ‎31-01-2023

Hi Beaser,

Thank for replying. Keeping friends with an ex isn't that common and in my experience it's sometimes easier to fo if you share kids.

I don't know if you have even dating but even if you're not wanting a relationship it's good for your mental health to have fun. And yes, you can keep loving your ex.

I'm glad you're here.

TonyWK

Beaser · ‎02-02-2023

Thanks for the reply and thoughts Tony.

Yes i know your right that being a friend with an ex usually doesnt work. I think its more hope for a different outcome and if im honest loneliness on my behalf.

I havent been dating as im not feeling i have the energy or i guess desire at the moment.

Im pushing myself to go out for tea with some workmates tonight, i originally said no but i know that i need to start saying yes to some things again.

Hope your well Tony.