Its Not Fair

[guest75]

Im sorry for posting this, but i needed to vent and i dont have anyone i can talk to.  I have my mother who i am living with but we dont have the sort of relationship where we can talk about stuff, she didnt even meet my partner until our engagement party.  THe only person ive ever had that i could talk about my emotions with was my partner and i dont have her now

I am a good person.  I love my kids, they are my world. i love my partner, unconditionally - despite everything i am still in love with her and want to be with her.

I dont drink (maybe once or twice a year max). I dont smoke (never smoked 1 cigarette). i dont gamble (not even on the melbourne cup). I dont do drugs (ever). i  have even given up drinking coca cola because my psychologist said caffeine can effect my moods

i was a good provider.  i worked at jobs i hated so that she could stay at home and raise the kids full time.  she was a full time mum for all 3 of the kids, they never had to go to day care so she could work.  I worked horrible shifts (7pm=7am) for over 4 years so that she didnt have to work and could be with the kids.  When this stupid illness got a hold of me and i left my last job and have unemployed since, because i had worked as hard as i did we had enough in our savings as a buffer for that to happen

i am an affectionate person, i hug my kids whenever i can, i tell them i love them, I wanted to be close with my partner whenever i could. i would ALWAYS tell her i love her whenever i was leaving the house or she was even for just a short trip to the supermarket

this stupid illness got a hold of me , my moods started to change.  i am not blaming for the illness for the things i said or the things i did, they were choices i made. i am blaming the illness for the mood swings.

now i feel abandoned, i need her help to get passed this. im fighting as hard as as i can. but i need help and im left to fight alone. its not fair

sorry for venting on here

[guest75]

i dont know how much longer i can stand living here with my mum and sister.  its doing my head in...they are set in their ways and i am different and everything i do seems to annoy them.  i dont blame them though, i am a burden on them at the minute

i just want to go home, thats all i want.

[Neil_1]

Hi Matty

I can fully understand your not wanting with the letter and not wishing to make things any worse.  That's brilliant understanding on your part ... not so on my part.

It's just an awful current situation ... do your mum and sister show anger to you, or is it just their mannerisms?

And I'm just checking again ... is there no other place that you could possibly move to for the next couple of weeks?  As in, have you exhausted all other places of possible accommodation?

Are your mum and sister sounding like they want you to move out or are there genuinely ok with you staying there?

I guess as of tomorrow, your new job commences.  How long will that have you away from the house?

Take care,

Neil

[guest75]

Hi Neil

They arent showing anger, just mannerisms.  And i dont think its so much that they dont want me here, its just that i do things differently to them (i havent lived at home since i was 17, apart from about 6 months when i was saving for a house loan when my eldest was a baby). I think they are ok with me being here (mum is at least) its just everything i do annoys them. i dont feel comfortable, i cant feel at home

The only other option i have is with my dad (about 2 hours away, near where the new job is) - but i hadnt spoken to him for 6 years up until a few months ago when things started getting really bad with my wife. he has said i can stay there, but i think that would be worse than here, because i hate his wife. he had an affair with her when i was about 3, and he left to be with her and i blame her for my family breaking up

The new job will keep me out of the house about 12 hours a day (5:30 - 5:30) because of travel (i will be traveling about 1.5 hours each way) so that will help a little bit. Its just everyday counting down to the 21st seems to be going so slowly

thanks again for your reply