I feel stuck

[NorwayB]

I have been with my beautiful boyfriend for three and a half years (since I was 20).
He makes my heart so happy and puts an instant smile on my face.

So why is my brain telling me to break up with him?

Let me tell you about my situation ...

I am stuck in my lease until January next year by which time the recruitment season for my profession will be over - it sucks, I know.

My boyfriend and I have never lived together just us before. But we are aiming to next year. He lives two hours away from me and although we do spend great time together he always has to study. Which I feel has put a strain on me and how I feel about the relationship. We never fight or argue really. I have openly told him that I am having these thoughts and he was just so supportive of me - which makes me feel even worse!

Why I am having these thoughts --- I hate them!

Am I just scared of moving in together and taking that next step?

Help me ❤️

[geoff]

hello Norway, I think these thoughts are what we call 'intrusive thoughts' and if you agree with this then can I ask you a question, do you know whether you have OCD because these thoughts are always dominant with this illness.
Perhaps you google 'intrusive thoughts' there is an enormous section where people have expressed their own thoughts that keep dominating their minds.
Would like to hear back from you if possible. Geoff.

[NorwayB]

Thank you for replying Geoff,

Thinking back to high school when stress for me was at a high - yes, I did exhibit OCD like tendencies. Like checking my bag 10 times even though I know everything was in there. Or checking my alarm clock 20 times to make sure it was on. I knew everything was okay, I just couldn't stop myself from checking ...

[NorwayB]

And lately I have had issues with eating. I mean don't get me wrong - I LOVE FOOD! But when my stress levels are right up my head makes my stomach feel like it needs to throw up. Sometimes people question why I am not eating after my shift (I work at a buffet). Sometimes I eat to look normal and to make them happy. I have had to go home around 3 times because of this --- I have not told anyone the truth, I am too embarrassed.