How to overcome fears of intimacy and worries about being single

[brookey]

Hi everyone, 

I've previously posted on Beyond Blue and found it to be helpful so am hoping that posting again might help me out somewhat. 

I just turned 25 and am feeling really low about the fact I've never been in a long-term relationship. I'm the only one of my friends who this is true for.... I feel really hopeless about the situation, and I find it is these thoughts that contribute to my struggles with depression the most, as I feel like I will never be able to develop a relationship with anybody. 

A large part of my worries stems from the fact that I have very little experience in the physical side of things... My first time was pretty terrible as it occurred without my consent, and since then I have found it extremely difficult to engage in physical intimacy with a guy. I finally got to a point where I did reach this point again with a guy, but I felt pressured into rushing things, and it was a really bad experience all round. After that experience I got dumped, and I felt absolutely humiliated as I was told that that was the main reason for ending things. I now know that that probably wasn't the world's greatest example of a healthy relationship, but I can't help but feel really hopeless about the situation. 

I can see that I have many things to offer someone - I think I have a nice personality, I've always had great relationships with my friends, I'm reasonably intelligent.... I feel like objectively I'm not that bad, but I feel like with the lack of experience, and the fact that nobody has wanted to be in a relationship with me yet, that the idea of me ever being able to make a connection with someone like that is near impossible. 

I don't know whether I should just resign myself to a fate of being a crazy old cat lady, or whether I should hang in there and just hope for the best. At the moment it just feels like I'm never going to have the experience of forming a relationship, and this makes me really really sad. 

Thanks for reading, and if you have any thoughts/words of wisdom I would love to hear from you. 

Thanks so much - Brooke x

[kanga_brumby]

Hey Brookey My dearly loved sadly missed partner. Was 33 when she had her first. Even with a heap of medical issues. Plus meeting a heap of pll who were wrong for her. Don't give up, your worth it it will happen. 

[sarahanne11]

Hi Brookey, please don't fear. I can tell you that the fact you haven't been in a relationship doesn't mean you aren't worthy of one or you wont find it. It means you have been smart enough not to enter into one that wasn't right for you (unlike me, and many others). I have had two boyfriends, both long term, and I can assure you I feel exactly the same way even though I have had two long (and awful) relationships. You ARE worthy and you WILL find someone. You have to believe that. If I can, so can you 🙂