Having aspergers and and never fitting in

yona · ‎07-06-2015

Hi I am new to all this and have come here because I need to be able to talk about my day to day life with some one as my family have given up on me That's the way I feel at the moment anyway.

Where to start I am 35 and live at home with my parents there's me my mother who has problems and then there is my step father has been around since I was two. Ever since I can remember I have found it very hard to fit in when I was very young no one new what was wrong with me so that made it even worse aspergers did not have a name back then.

So I have spent most of my life in a way cut off from my family in a way because I see the world in a different way and find it hard to make friends and keep them and have all but given up on that having friends that is.

I spend a lot of time by my self my be too much. I make my self feel better by drinking I guess to much. My Father tried to help me but has all but given up on me as I have given up on my self. He wants me to talk to him but I find it hard to because on one hand he says talk to me and then on the other he says everyone brings there problems to me. So if I do go to him it's the wrong thing to do and if I don't it is the wrong thing to do. I can not talk to my mother because she has too many problems herself.

In the past I would self harm to make my self feel better. I never used to drink.

Some times I think that I went home with the wrong family and that my parents deserve better then what they got in me. Mum says I love you Carla and I say it must be bloody hard to. I find it hard to like or even love my self.

So this is just some of what has happened in my life. Thank you for listening to me. God I must sound nuts

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white knight · ‎07-06-2015

Hi Yona, welcome ehre to Beyond Blue forums

Nuts? nope, you sound normal to me. Normal for someone enduring your issues that Aspergers brings, your mum having her own issues and your dad contradicting himself.

But I suppose having read your story I feel a little sorry for your dad. He at least opens his arms for you and contradicts himself because he has issues himself he cannot cope with. It must be hard for him to battle his own troubles and be a good dad at the same time.

Fitting in? with others your own age of with family comes to some of us even without Aspergers and some with no mental health issues. It hurts, to feel like an alien. So what is the answer? I might have a view here.

I dont "fit in" either. It's more personality for me than my mental illnesses of bipolar 2, dysthymia (a type of depression) and depression. So I found that when I attend our car club I tend to drift off into the background, go for a walk from time to time and when spoken to restrict my input. Then when I'm on Beyond Blue forums I can open up and be myself because I am anonymous....no one is going to hurt me here and I can help others. Helping others gives me pride and satisfaction. In short- a mix of activities helps me.

Can you consider doing some volunteer work for the Salvoes or StVincent de Pauls" ? Can you join a sporting club like volleyball or badmitton? Such activities if undertaken will occupy you for a couple of hours which is exactly the timeframe that is ideal. you arrive, you have fun then you leave. Not enough time to be rejected or hurt by some.

Drinking alcohol wont help you no matter what you try. It's time to put that aside and make as much of your life as possible. Ditch the bottle.

Hope you got something worthwhile from my reply.

Tony WK

yona · ‎08-06-2015

Hi and thanks for what you said. I have been thinking for a while about taking another path and knowing I should but I guess that the bottle would help me relax and help me to checkout for a while. But I must say that I feel like shit the next day some times. But as for my father I guess I think that if he can give up on his own family and not talk to his mum, dad and brothers he will give or already has on me. As it seems that he has given up on talking to most other humans. But volunteering is some thing I will have to think about I may take me a while to work up to but something to think about it is. thank you.